Sex Advice: When do you know if you’re ready to lose your virginity?

Dear Guys,

I’m still a virgin (in high school) and I’m starting to get really close to this one guy. We don’t really talk about sex or anything yet, but I think I’m ready for it. I think I’ve been ready, even before he came along. What changes after you lose your virginity? How do you know when you’re ready and he’s ready?


Dear R,

Thanks for your question.

Part of being ready for any big event in your life is knowing it in your gut. You say you’ve felt ready for a while so that’s probably a good sign. The most important thing for any big decision is to know it’s your choice. You never want to feel pressured into doing anything you’re not comfortable doing. We’re not just talking sex; we’re talking anything, big, small, it doesn’t matter.

Some people lose their virginity in their teens and some don’t until their twenties. Some people don’t believe in pre-marital sex, so they want until they tie the knot. Much of this has to do with your values and the way you were brought up. Obviously, you’re comfortable with the idea of sex, so you’ve probably been brought up in a liberal household. What we’re saying is there’s no ONE right answer.

A lot of what we’ve said has to do with you, but part of taking this step is how you feel about your partner. We can’t tell you how many people have written to us and said, “I can’t believe I let that lame person take my virginity.” They’re not saying they were pressured, they’re saying they thought the person was amazing and they turned out to be the opposite. So are you prepared for that? If this relationship doesn’t work out, will you be okay with losing your virginity? We hate to frame it like that, but that’s a question you need to ask yourself.

Bottom line: You need to know WHY you want to lose your virginity? Do you feel ready and just want to do it? Is it because of this guy? Is it because you’re so in love that you want to experience this with him? What exactly is it? Once you figure that out, you’ll know better how you want to proceed.

As far as changes you’ll be feeling. Well, sex is very powerful. You’ll have experienced it for the first time and that will change the lens that you see the world. In essence, you’ll lose some of your innocence. (Once again, a generalization, but you asked.) This is a complex topic, and every person has an opinion, and a different answer. Ultimately this is your decision. If you do decide to proceed forward, please be careful and take the necessary precautions that they teach you about in school. Let us know if you have any follow-up questions. (Leave in comments’ section below.) And please share our site with friends, or on Facebook, Twitter. We appreciate it.



Questions about high school dating and/or questions about virginity: 

High school dating: Am I hot or not? 

Do looks matter? 

I slept with my virgin friend; bad decision, and now I feel badly



3 Comments on Sex Advice: When do you know if you’re ready to lose your virginity?

  1. kate filler // February 21, 2013 at 8:23 pm //

    Lose your virginity to a really attractive guy who you share equal emotions with and you wont regret it -Promise

  2. So I’ve known this guy for at least 6-7 years through close family friends, for 4 years he’s made it perfectly clear that he wants to take on a sexual approach with me. Don’t get me wrong I’m not naive I understand the concept if just sex but in the past guys haven’t been this upfront about it and normally would get bored in a week if I didn’t bite their ‘bate’. What I would like to know is why this guy after four years is still trying strong when he’s the type of guy who gets any girl, I’m a virgin as well which confuses me a lot as he can have any girl with so much more experience then I have! I’ve only recently just sent him pictures but nothing else of the sorts! He also told me once when I agreed in a spare of the moment thing to hook up he said no because he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t want to ruin what we had? He gets jealous when I talk about other guys who are interested me which normally pisses him off causing us to argue! We argue 90% of the time and then make up its like one minute I never want to speak to him again & the next I need too! My mum also reckons he’s got a soft spot for me, he also kept a photo of when I was little in his phone from a joke we had at least 3 years ago? Creepy right? What I want to know is, is it defiantly just sex he wants? I’m 18 and he’s 24 & I know the age thing bugs him as he constantly brings it up. What does he want? Thanks Anna

  3. @Anna…..Why has he waited four years? Isn’t that obvious? You were 14, now you’re 18 and legal. Also, guys like the pursuit. Just because he can get other girls, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you too. Honestly, we’re advising you against this. He’s too old for you. If you were 28 and he was 34 it would be no big deal, but six years at your age is a big deal. You need to meet someone your own age for now. And any guy that offers just sex with no relationship is only going to break your heart. You seem like a nice girl, but maybe less experienced than you think. FWB or hook up situations are bad news. Good luck.

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