Can you guys explain men and masturbation?

Dear Guys,

Can you explain men and masturbation to me?  I am at a loss. My boyfriend and I have incredible sex, however, lately I catch him looking at porn on the internet and masturbating. He says sometimes it is just easier. However, I am feeling neglected. We used to have sex all the time, now I am in competition with his masturbation schedule. I am not unattractive, I am very responsive in bed, I just feel rejected by his preference to beat his own meat then mine. We have watched each other masturbate and I love it; I love just watching him, but now he is being all secretive about it and I know he is doing it.

I heard the saying from a friend the other day, “No matter how good looking the girl is, there is some man out there tired of having sex with her.” Is this true? What should I do to make him choose to have sex with me instead of porn and himself?



Dear Kelly, 

Thanks for your question. We can totally understand why you’d be confused. (You, along with most women.) Once we stop chuckling to ourselves, we think we can clear this up for you and many of our readers.

(Pause…….) Okay, we’re ready now.

First of all that quote you mention comes from a Chris Rock routine. The actual quote is, “Show me a beautiful woman and I’ll show you a woman some man is tired of having sex with.” What that means is, men crave variety. No matter how beautiful their woman is, she can only be herself. Meaning, she can’t be the leggy bombshell at the office, or the hot redhead at the gym, or the seductive bartender at the local dive, or the cute teacher who gets her coffee every morning at 7am.., or….., or….. The thing is, the craving for variety never ends, because that’s how men are wired. It’s our nature. Enter masturbation.

Contrary to public opinion—or maybe the opinion of a majority of women—not all guys cheat. Chris Rock also said, “A man is only as faithful as his options.” Which also rings of truth. It’s much easier for the slightly paunchy suburban dad to remain faithful than his rich, well-tuned, LA brethren who have women hitting on them night and day. But, even still, we believe that most men try hard to be good men, which means keeping their “meat” in their pants long enough to make it home to their partner. (Or if their partner’s sleeping, their right hand. Most guys are righties.)

Masturbation and a healthy sex life can coexist. Actually in some ways they were meant to coexist because it’s a way of keeping fantasies in check. Masturbation is easy, relatively fast, and a pretty easy clean up. The routine: Pop on a quick video, search for a few nudie pics online, look at a girlie mag, then go at it. Simple really, and once it’s done, a guy is good to go about his day.

What most women don’t understand is that guys don’t masturbate because they’re not happy with their woman. Quite the contrary. Guys masturbate just as much when they’re in a happy relationship as when they’re not. The fact is, guys just like to masturbate. It feels good, it’s easy, and it’s a way to satisfy a few fantasies along the way. We know it’s hard to not feel threatened by it, but truly it isn’t about you, and what you lack. It’s a different beast entirely. Separate from you.

There are health benefits as well. Regular ejaculations are supposed to promote prostrate health. But we’re talking 4-5 ejaculations a week. And unless a guy’s woman doesn’t have a job, or other responsibilities or interests, a few of these ejaculations need to be taken care of without her. (That’s not to say that every guy masturbates 3-4 times a week. Not everyone has the time or energy. But rest assured, guys are doing it as much as they are able. Every guy. Well, almost every guy. There are those……)

But masturbation can become a problem when it starts to creep into a couple’s sex life, and actually starts replacing real intimacy. And in your case this seems to be happening. Watching each other masturbate can be a very intimate and fun activity; it can be a nice change from the familiar routine that many couples fall into. But when your guy’s “activities” start replacing the sexual connection the two of you have, it becomes an issue, and it starts to fall into the addiction category.

The other issue with too much self-pleasuring is that it can diminish a guy’s sex drive so he’s not that enthusiastic for real sex, at least for a day or two afterwards. When he starts prioritizing ease of use, over actual sexual relations, you’ve got yourself an issue.

It sounds like your situation is a relatively new one, so it can nipped in the bud. You need to start talking about this. Instead of getting angry and defensive, see if you can figure out why he’s doing it more now, and work out some sort of agreement/solution. We know, it sounds businesslike, but often, just getting the conversation started can lead to new understanding and a solution both partners can live with.

However, if your boyfriend keeps neglecting you, and choosing porn over you, then you need to take a hard look at this relationship, and this guy. Men masturbate, and will continue to masturbate as long as they can, but that activity should never replace intimacy, and actual sexual relations.

We hope this helps clear up a few things for you. Please share this information with your friends. And feel free to ask us a follow up question. Or leave us a comment here in the comments section below.

Good luck,


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks. @TGPBuzz

Read more sex advice and dating advice and relationship advice about this topic: 

Is this an online romance or an online booty call? 

38 Comments on Can you guys explain men and masturbation?

  1. My boyfriend loves porn but i don’t understand why he feels… skittish whenever i ask him to watch with me. I really don’t understand. We have awesome sex but when it comes to porn watching he seems to fold up in shyness and refuses to watch with me. He would watch alone, but with me? No. I don’t understand.. Sometimes i just laugh it off but most times it really leaves me confused. Guys i’m just wondering, is this normal boyfriend behavior?

  2. @LeeLee…….We may post this on our Sex w/The Guys page. (We’ll let you know.) There could be several reasons he feels uncomfortable. 1. He’s threatened. He doesn’t want you seeing other guys having sex. He feels like that could diminish your interest in him or question whether or not he’s any good. Even your interest alone means you have a sexual appetite that might be bigger than he imagined. If he’s insecure at all, this bothers him. 2. Porn is something he enjoys alone. It’s fantasy. He can’t quite figure out how to include you in this fantasy. He sees it as separate from your relationship. One thing to understand: Guys watch porn to get off. Every guy’s worst nightmare is to be caught with their pants around their ankles while they’re masturbating. He’s not ready to share that side of himself with you. Maybe you could start by infusing some sort of mutual masturbation without the porn, and then discuss adding the porn in later. What do you think?

  3. Yeah, i think you’re right. He’s kind of insecure i think, and i do have a big sexual appetite that even surprises him sometimes while we’re having sex. But we’ve already watched each other masturbate a few times without the porn, and it was alright with him. He just really, really doesn’t wanna watch with me haha.. My god. Guess i’ll just try and convince him some more. Can you give me some tips so i can somehow convince him? And thank you for your answer by the way, it helps clear it up somehow, you guys are awesome. 🙂

  4. @LeeLee…..Why don’t you be the one to introduce the movie? Instead of asking to watch one of his, why don’t you be the one to bring the movie into the mix. Maybe invite him over—or if you live together plan things while he’s out—create a little suspense, loosen him up with some good food and drink and then ask him to go with the flow. If you’ve been bugging him about this, maybe wait a few weeks or more before you go with this plan. What do you think? Do you think it might work? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Also on Facebook and Twitter. Thanks! @TGPBuzz

  5. That’s exactly what i’m doing. I offer him my videos and tapes (not as in me in the video) but he’d refuse it. A very clear “No, babe.” Then i already tried that ‘loosen him up with a drink’ a few several times and he just said he was dang too sleepy to watch anything and stuff. And i’m not bugging him about this, i try to convince him like, every two weeks or so. We live together. He’s kinda driving me nuts lol but the sex is amazing, really it’s just the porn issue..sigh. I hope you guys don’t tell me to bonk him on the head with the tapes cause i just might. Hahah kidding. 🙂

  6. @LeeLee……..Well, maybe this is one thing the two of you enjoy by yourselves. It sounds like he’s just resistant to the idea. And since everything else seems to be great maybe you should just drop it. No, not on his head. But definitely keep us posted especially if you have a breakthrough. And come back anytime. Take the time to help a fellow reader and VOTE on our Ask our Audience page.

  7. Okay i’ll drop it for now. Not on his head lol. And thanks for the replies, i’ll post something if he ever finally agreed to watch with me.

  8. @LeeLee….Please do. And come back anytime to ask another question. Or to VOTE on our Ask the Audience page. Or to come check out some other posts. Thanks and take care. Thanks for letting your friends know about us.

  9. Okay. This is really funny and suprising to be quite honest. Yesterday morning, i contemplated something that might convince my dear boyfriend to watch porn with me. I tried the ‘reverse psychology’ kind of thing. I couldn’t believe how fast it worked. You see, my boyfriend doesn’t live with me yet, but he’s usually with me in my apartment. He had my key the other day since i’ve been at home all week. He gave me a head’s up in the morning that he was dropping by later in the evening but i pretended to ‘forget’ so i could try my plan. My plan was to let him catch me watching porn, and i took special care with the timing and it worked lol i couldn’t believe it. But what i did was, when he entered my room i immediately closed my laptop in an obvious attempt to hide what i was watching. He got really curious. As in super curious i didn’t expect it at all. He kept bugging me what i was watching and when i finally admitted it was porn, he just stopped for a little and asked why i wouldn’t show him. And i just said ‘i realized i don’t wanna watch with you after all.’ He stopped there and pondered for a bit and i invited him to eat dinner, an obvious attempt to change topic. When we were off to bed though, he asked me again about the porn and i refused and although he couldn’t seem to let the subject go, he was convinced. We went to bed. Then it was to my surprise when i woke up at 2 and found him watching the porn i watched. I snuck up behind him and he was surprised too, his ears were red as tomatoes lol. I just laughed and he said he’s watched the same vid before. And then i think without him completely realizing, we were both watching. We were exchanging opinions and it felt like he was just really worried about what i’ll think of the kind of porn that he watches. And a little bit of insecurity as well. He didn’t expect that i get more turned on by the girls than the guys. So my problem is pretty much solved now! I really hope this continues. 🙂 and i wanna thank you too, your opinions were helpful and helped me understand my bf somehow. I’ll spread the word about this awesome site. 🙂 thank you guys!

  10. @LeeLee…….Okay, that’s too funny. And genius! We’ll have to remember that one. So simple, but effective. Have fun with it and keep us posted. Come back anytime to ask another question, or to VOTE on our Ask our Audience page, or to just peruse the site. Thanks for spreading the word about us. We appreciate it. Take care.

  11. hi guys, what are your views and opinions about sexting?

  12. @Dianne……To what extent? Could you be more specific? Yes, we have opinions. Fill us in and we’ll get back to you.

  13. i mean, what do you think about it, would you do it with your girlfriend or would you think it’s lame and stupid? do you think it’s a bad thing considering it’s explicit kinda texting..?

  14. @Dianne…..We don’t think it’s lame or stupid. The only downside is that there’s a record of it. Even if you delete the texts they are still stored somewhere. Same with emails. Although it’s highly unlikely anyone would ever care to look, unless of course you got into some sort of trouble with the law that was sex related. For most people, this isn’t an issue. So if it’s something that turns you on, then do what you must. But we’d stay away from sending explicit pictures. You never know where those might end up. Partners are known to be vindictive from time to time. Thoughts? Does this help? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Spread the word on Facebook and Twitter. @TGPBuzz. Please take a moment to help a fellow reader. VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks.

  15. hello guys, i just want some opinion..? okay so my boyfriend sent me a photo of his.. erect penis. since he wasn’t my first boyfriend, it obviously wasn’t the first time i’ve ever seen someone’s penis so when he asked me how i felt when i saw the photo, i said “it looks.. nice.” rather awkwardly because i didn’t feel anything so special.. um not exactly turned on or something like that. i’m pretty sure he was a bit hurt by my somewhat lack of interest with his thing and i tried to reason out that it’s just hard to get turned on by just a photo of an erect penis. then he asked me to send him a photo of me. (we’re both sexually active) my problem is, i’m hesitating, not because i’m afraid he will post it on the net or something, but that my nude photo might not affect him too, just as his didn’t really affect me that much..? i wanna ask, do men tend to get more easily stimulated or turned on even just by seeing a naked girl’s photo more than women does when they see a nude guy? do you think my reaction towards his photo was normal?

  16. @Jessica…….Your reaction is absolutely normal. First of all he shouldn’t be sending a picture of his penis to you. Not smart on his end, and kind of shows a lack of awareness. He should know that women don’t find that attractive. Correct us if we’re wrong, but women need the whole package. The penis without the guy, and the guy without an emotional connection, doesn’t mean a whole lot. In fact many women are turned off by looking at some random penis, even if it is their boyfriend’s. However, guys are totally turned on by pictures. It doesn’t take much really. Guys will even check out the Lands End catalog to see if there are any hot women in there. So yes, a photo of a naked woman would be a HUGE turn on for him, and that may be his reasoning for sending you his penis. He sends his, you send yours. However, we would suggest you don’t send anything. Maybe you’re not worried, but it’s a bad idea. If and when you break up he’ll always have that picture, and then who knows. (We’re not saying you’re going to break up but it’s always worth considering.) Instead of sending your picture, why don’t you buy him a Playboy or some other nudie magazine for Christmas or Hanukkah? And include a note saying something to the effect: There’s more on the way. Meaning YOU.) He’ll love that and appreciate you for it. Does this help? Thoughts? (FYI: We may use this on our Sex w/The Guys page. Many women would probably appreciate this information.) ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  17. wow i love this site, that’s really quick feedback. 😀 well the photo he actually sent me was of himself, from the penis up to his face, so i wasn’t really turned off, just felt indifferent about it. although i think you might be right about the “he sends his and i send mine” part.. and i think your advice about the porn mag is great, i’d definitely try that! thank you for your insights and they really helped me. gonna share this site to my friends. 🙂

  18. @jessica…Glad we could help. Thanks for sharing our site. We do appreciate it!

  19. whoever i am // December 20, 2012 at 11:02 am //

    Hello um.. A friend recommended your site so. Yeah. I really need a guys perspective, Can you somehow explain why some guys get really Super turned on by girls who wear socks and stockings? I just rly dont get it… I mean is that normal cuz my boyfriend is like that.? Im 16 and hes 18. Gonna say im quite young so still a little clueless bout these things… I just want to understand him? Please help.

  20. @Whoever I am…..Thanks for visiting and for your question. And thank your friend for recommending us. Okay, to your question. What socks and stocking do is shape the leg a certain way. Stockings, if worn right, are sometimes even sexier than bare legs because they offer a hot glimpse, but also a tease. Guys love that. Bras do the same sort of thing for breasts. They shape them, or push them up, to make them more enticing, just showing enough skin to make guys go crazy. (Although guys don’t need much enticing when it comes to females.) But since you visited and said you were quite young and clueless, here’s some unsolicited advice we often pass along to the younger women who visit. A two year age difference is typically not that big of a deal, but at your age it kind of is. 18 year-old guys think differently than 16 year-old guys. They’re less innocent. Something to keep in mind. Does this help? Any more questions? Ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Follow us on Twitter; @TGPBuzz. And take a moment to help a fellow reader. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. Thanks!

  21. whoever i am // December 20, 2012 at 12:44 pm //

    Oh.. Okay. So you mean, this kinda thing that my boyfriend have with Socks and stockings, Its normal and quite common a mong guys? I was just worried my boyfriend Might be, i dunno… Kinda psychotic lol or something wrong with his head, cuz hes obviously different when im around him walking round the room in my knee high socks when we hang out. Sounds kinda hilarious now when i type it down. So its normal.? Not something i should freak out bout?

  22. @Whoever I am……The more experience you get the more you’ll realize that there really isn’t such as thing as normal. That said, yes, knee high socks, stockings are a turn on to many guys. Think of it this way. (And not to objectify women, but…..) Some guys are breast men, some are butt men, some are leg men, etc. All men love a variety of shapes and sizes. Most of the time it all falls under the umbrella of normal. This is not really a fetish, and even many of those are no big deal. Here’s the rule should follow: If you feel comfortable doing whatever it is, then it’s probably not a big deal. Never do anything you’re not comfortable with. Okay? ps. Thanks for sharing our site with all of your friends. We do appreciate it!

  23. whoever i am // December 20, 2012 at 5:50 pm //

    Okay that makes sense. My boyfriend is a leg man hahaha.. Thank you for responding to me. And for the Concern and your sincere answers, ive tried asking other people bout this and if they dont laugh hysterically they never answer seriously. So i really appreciate that from you.. Hope you keep continuing your site.

  24. @whoever I am…….You’re very welcome. And definitely keep us posted and come back and ask another question anytime. Do us a favor? Please tell all of your friends about our site. Thanks. We appreciate it. Please VOTE on our Ask our Audience page. It only takes a moment.

  25. I walked into my boyfriends house,yesterday,and he quickly jumped up off the couch and pulled his pants up. I caught him masterbating to internet porn! I knew he looked at porn, a lot,but I guess I never imagined he masterbates to it. We started out with a very strong and active sexlife. Over the last 3 months it has dwindled down to maybe 2-3 times a week. He is either tired,or playing video games till late. (He is 38). He loses a lot of time between looking at porn and playing video games, to the point his house isn’t taken care of and left to pile up with dishes and laundry. He has lied to me several times saying he was in bed,for example at 11, when I check the computer history it shows he was looking at porn from about 11-1 a.m.
    When I caught him I was shocked and devasted. It made me feel so insecure and not good enough, sick feeling in my stomach and I cried, etc. My question is how do I overcome this in order to even think about him wanting sex with me or even looking at me?
    Some days he will look at this stuff in the evening for an hour or more and then late at night. It’s when I am not at his place that he looks at it. He clicks off as soon as I walk in the door. I feel like he needs this in order to be turned on to be with me. He denies this and says I am beautiful and plenty enough for him and loves sex with me. I am an attractive 44 year old blonde female about 110 pounds and I have a big appetite for sex. Also he never calls it making love to him it is just sex
    I really need to try and understand why when he looks at porn it makes me feel the way it does? if he is cheating on me getting off watching other women have sex, as if i am not enough or good looking enough. How to get over it or deal with it. He says he loves the female body. So he isn’t just acting on the action going on in the video, he is also turned on by the girl(s) in the video. He says he does this whether single or in a relationship. He also loves strip clubs and he knows how I feel about those as well and has only gone to them on the day of his birthday over the last 6.5 months we have been together. But I know it will come up again that he wants to go. Help me!

    P.S. A little background: he is an intelligent college graduate with a very good IT job of 13 years, raises a 10 year old daughter from his ex-wife and owns his house. If his daughter is in the same room, they may be watching tv, but he would actually have his laptop facing towards him and looking at porn-obviously not masterbating while she is in the room or awake.

  26. @Sonnie….We know this might be hard to understand but trust us, his porn use has nothing to do with you, or how into you he is. Looking at porn is entirely separate from a relationship, or having sex with a real person. It’s visual fantasy which guys are into. The issue here isn’t that he’s looking at porn—most guys do—it’s how excessive it is. Because looking at porn is kind of like an addiction. You have to be careful to not let it consume you. It sounds like he’s teetering on this edge. The other thing it can do is make a guy not be as horny. Which means, in fact, his porn use can affect your relationship because he’s not going to be as excited about the real thing. Don’t misunderstand. It’s not that he’s choosing porn over you, it’s just that his body probably can’t handle both. So if he’s masturbating frequently, he’s not going to want to have sex with you as much. And this is where porn can be a problem. You’re not competing with this fantasy world of his. But he does need to know that his “fun time” is starting to impact on his real life. If you focus on that aspect of the situation he might actually be more receptive, than if you act insecure and start comparing yourself to these “other women.” Thoughts? Does this help a little?

  27. hello guys, seeing as how you guys give amazing advice i decided to give it a shot. ohhhkay well.. my boyfriend and i have no issues about porn watching. we watch together and even check out women together, when we’re out or just watching some random porn. it’s not an issue to me. or to him. however, i ran into him in our room, i didn’t mean to, i sort of caught him masturbating over looking at a photo of our really really close friend. it was on facebook actually, it wasn’t nude (not fully nude at least), it was her solo pic wearing a bikini because she was on the beach. she wasn’t posing provocatively IMO, but it bothered me why my boyfriend was jerking off to her photo.. i don’t quite know how to approach the subject with him, or having second thoughts whether i should go confront him about it. he didn’t know i saw him. i don’t have an issue with him masturbating over other girls on the porn who are strangers, but it’s really making me uncomfortable knowing he masturbates over our friend’s pic.. how should i deal with this?

  28. @mandy……Interesting dilemma. Well, it sounds like you’re pretty open and understanding of your boyfriend’s need to masturbate, and that you’re also comfortable with him looking at porn. Has he ever mentioned your friend in a way that has made you uncomfortable? Has he given you any indication that he’s interested in her beyond just thinking she’s hot? (Which of course is always a reason to be interested. We’re only partly kidding.) Understand that this falls in the realm of normal behavior for a guy who likes to masturbate to porn. Any girl in a bikini is fair game. Although we will admit that many guys might feel a tad uncomfortable doing what he did. It’s close to “the line” if you know what we’re saying. But it doesn’t necessarily mean anything more than he’s not using good judgement when he masturbates. (If there even is such a thing, which we’re not sure there is.) Questions: Is she single? Married? Are you threatened by her looks? Meaning, is she really hot? Fill us in a bit so we can understand this better. OUr advice: Try to find out more about what he thinks of this girl. And until you do, we wouldn’t bring it up, unless it starts eating away at you. He’s not the only guy to ever do this if you know what we’re saying.

  29. thank you so much for responding.. to answer your follow up questions, no he never hinted to me about him being interested to her in “that” way, and she’s just a really, really close friend to both of us. she has a boyfriend, one that we know she loves dearly. well i guess she’s pretty and hot alright, but i’m in no way threatened by her looks. i know i’m not so bad myself. the thing is, he just never mentions her being attractive to her that way but i guess it’s pretty obvious that he thinks she’s hot, a lot of male friends that we knew thought the same. i wouldn’t mind that, since i think the same thing about her. it just really bothers me to find him masturbating to her photo in secret..

  30. @Mandy……We can see why you’d be upset. But clearly he sees her as an object, not much different than the porn he looks at to get off. We’d be more concerned if he had a “thing” for her. So are you going to say something? If it’s going to eat at you it’s something to consider.

  31. so you’re saying that his behavior wasn’t something i should be worried about? i’m still thinking of talking to him about it, just to clear the air.. i’m gonna try making the issue light and not as serious as i thought it was, so he wouldn’t feel that uncomfortable. what do you guys think?

  32. @Mandy…..Like we said, if it’s really bugging you you need to say something. But as long as he doesn’t have a secret “thing” for her it falls in the realm of normal. Although, he should know better. Masturbating to a picture of someone you know is close to crossing the line. He’ll be embarrassed when you bring it up. Keep us posted.

  33. So yesterday I was in my mans bedroom while he was at work (I don’t work fridays and usually spend the day chilling out at his place till he gets home) and I was going to change the towels in the bathroom. I opened his wardrobe since that’s where he keeps the towels (lol) and pulled a couple off the top shelf. As I did this a couple of porn mags fell to the floor scaring me as I wasn’t expecting anything to come flying out.

    Now I’m not unrealistic, I know a lot of men look at girlie mags and porn when they masturbate, and I know that no, its not about me, its about him and is separate from ‘us’. What upset me the most was the fact that he had lied to me in the past about using them. I remember the conversation we had about it. We were in the car and something about porn came up and we both admitted to having seen it, no big deal I’m not ashamed. Then he got all serious and asked if I still looked at it, I countered by asking if he did. He said that he’d had some dvds and magazines but that he’d gotten rid of them since we’d been together as I was enough to fantasise about when he masturbated. I told him that no I didn’t look at it because he was enough for me too (which is completely true. I find it enough to imagine him and I engaged in some naughty act when I’m taking care of myself – which is as I’m sure we all know, completely normal for women).

    You can imagine my dismay at finding these magazines with perfectly airbrushed women with perfect bodies engaged in all sorts of acts from taking three cocks at once, anal, and girl on girl, all in glorious high def. Of course it upsets me to think that he’s looking at these perfect women to get off, but the thing I was most upset about was the lying about not using them. I know he would have lied because its what he thought I wanted to hear, but he’s always going on about how telling the truth and being open and honest is one of the most important things to him. I’ve been hurt in the past by liers and he knows its important to me too.

    I confronted him about it last night and he told me that he uses the mags as a way to picture us doing things and that he was so sorry for lying and that he was ashamed of himself. I told him that I was mostly upset about the lying but that I couldn’t help feeling inadequate when I compared myself to the hot women in the photos. He said they weren’t hot, that they were plastic, soulless and not real. So how can he get off to that?
    He also said that while he used the pictures to get going, he only ever thinks about us and the thought of me is always what brings him to orgasm.

    So I guess my question is, is he still lying to me (because he thinks it what I want to hear) when he says that he never fantasises about the women in those magazines but uses them as a stepping stone to think of me? I thought the whole reason for using those was for picturing fantasy sex with some hot slut?

    This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in, and he is incredibly sweet, loving, and attentive. He tells me I’m beautiful every day, and he is everything I’ve ever wanted and more, but I’m hurt by the lies. We’ve been together almost two years and have wonderful passionate sex. Please help?

  34. @Kris……The good news: You two should be able to work through this………We’ll lay it out for you. Of course he fantasizes about other women. And of course the women in the pics turn him on. And yes he’s telling you what you want to hear. But like you said, that’s separate from reality and you. He lied to you because he was embarrassed and didn’t want to lose you. That’s not an excuse. He shouldn’t have lied to you. And he needs to know that that type of behavior is not acceptable. That said, give the guy a chance. It sounds like he’s a a good guy at heart. Our advice: Get this out in the open. Buy him a subscription to Playboy or Penthouse or something, or buy him the occasional magazine on his birthday and let him do his thing when he needs to. You’re letting your past and your insecurities get in the way. Guys masturbate. They like looking at a variety of pictures and thinking about a variety of things. This is not about you. If he loves you and values your relationship then he’s not going to stray. Wouldn’t you rather have him getting off to some magazines or DVDs instead of screwing the neighbor?

  35. When my bf and I started getting serious, I found out he was VERY addicted to masturbating. He said he had been trying really hard to stop though, and hadn’t done it since about a half year after we started dating (its been a year now). One if the main reasons he stopped was because I thought the whole concept was disgusting, (i said the same thing about giving him oral btw) but a few days ago, I was massaging his thighs after PT and w/o thinking, he just absently started going at it (!) and it was a complete turn on. I really wanna ask to watch him masturbate again and give him a bj, but I don’t want him to get addicted again and it ruin our love life. Should I leave it alone?

  36. @Beth…….Why would you leave it alone? There’s nothing wrong with masturbating. And if you keep asking him to stop, he’s just going to do it without you knowing it. Read the rest of this thread to learn more about it. We say go for it. If it turns you on, it will turn him on. Don’t put a limit on your sex life. It will backfire in the end. Good luck.

  37. My boyfriend and I have had great sex up to 8 times a day for almost a year. Recently, he has started looking at naked girl pics during sex. Caught him in bathroom masturbating to girls pics while I was asleep. Now I wake up at 3 am with him in me and porn playing on his phone. He says I’m the hottest girl he’s been with. He loves my body and obsessed with my ass. Why is he doing this now when he says I satisfy him beyond his dreams ??

  38. @Jill…..Just to give you a little perspective. 8 times a day is way, way above the average. Even once a day would be above the average for having sex. The point is, it’s difficult to sustain that sort of excess. If you read the post, and any of the other comments, you’ll have learned that guys don’t look at porn and masturbate because they’re dissatisfied with their woman. In fact, guys who look at porn, often have quite healthy sex lives. Our best guess is that he’s been looking at porn the whole time you’ve been together but it’s just now that you’ve learned about it. Did you ask him what’s going on? Honestly, we don’t think you need to worry. If he wants to have sex with you that much, then that’s all you need to know. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with friends. Thanks!

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