I am 17 and in high school. The boys in our school seem infatuated with well-developed and flirtatious girls, of which I’m neither. I’m more of a jock. I play soccer and basketball and hang out with my girlfriends. But I am interested in boys and would like to be
part of the “scene” in some way. Is it true that all they care about is looks?
Thanks for writing. We’re glad you play organized sports and are doing your own thing. More girls should follow your example. So let’s get to your question.
Looks definitely matter to guys. We’d be lying to you if we said they didn’t. But it’s not necessarily as bad as it sounds. Well break it down for you.
It’s our best estimate that 99% of guys would agree on the looks of about 15% of the women in the world. Meaning, almost every guy would agree on the looks of a small percentage of women. So this means that looks are generally a subjective thing. And that’s good in many ways. (We know you’re in high school so women can also mean girls your age.)
Since looks are subjective, guys generally gravitate towards other guys with slightly different tastes in looks. This way if a group of guys meets a group of women, the guys will go after different women in the group. If groups weren’t formed this way it would be a problem. Women would wonder why all of a sudden guys were rolling around on the floor punching each other. Not a big turn on. Guys aren’t stupid, so groups form that make it possible for them to bond and still meet women. But the boys in your school are slightly different, so let’s discuss them first.
We asked our younger brethren, your peers, what they thought about this topic and predictably looks seemed to matter a lot to them. We can’t blame our younger comrades. Once their hormones kick in it’s like their blinders are finally removed. A whole new
world opens up to them and they can’t handle it. The biggest problem is that their hormones are well ahead of the rest of themselves developmentally. So it’s like they have super powers they can’t control. It takes almost nothing to set these powers off: a flash of skin, a friendly gesture, a walk down the hall, a touch. Although they work hard to control themselves, it’s not easy for them. Unfortunately that’s whom you’re dealing with right now: Young Vampires.
GUYS in their twenties are slightly different, but still resemble their younger selves. However as their brains catch up to their bodies, things settle down a bit. That’s why we tell our younger clients to be patient. Things will change. GUYS mature….eventually! And with that maturity brings a bit more clarity and more subjectivity in terms of looks. The one thing we hope you won’t do is get too fed up with boys your own age and try to date someone a lot older. That’s never a good thing. Sure the OLDER GUYS seem more confident and interesting, which IS attractive. But at your age, dating someone even three years older is not something we recommend. Why? Because GUYS are still GUYS. We wish we were more responsible, but unfortunately we might not be. (Watch video on Dating Older Men.)
As guys get in their 30s and up they start to see the world and the women in it differently. They recognize all the other wonderful qualities that women have to offer. But even still, looks are still a big part of that equation. You may hear GUYS say, “It’s all good.” This means that all women are attractive to us in some way. Yes, looks remain a big part of it, but it’s bigger than that. It’s how a women carries herself, or what she says, or how she smiles, or what kind of scent she’s wearing, or if she’s smart, funny, enthusiastic, sensitive, kind, helpful. The list goes on and on. Looks are important but they are part of a bigger picture.
So don’t give up on the boys your age. They will mature, albeit slowly. And you MAY find a boy who is an exception to the rule. This boy would be called A NERD. This is not a joke. The NERD will more likely see you for the kind of person you are, rather than what you look like. And this is why in the end, NERDS will be king. (But that’s for another day)
ps. Readers, please leave a comment and join the discussion. If you have your own question about dating, relationships, or guys in general please ask away. Thanks!