My cheating boyfriend; can I learn to trust him again?

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Dear GUYS,

I currently have a boyfriend who cheated on me a few months back. Including the break up, we have been together almost three years.

Let me start from the beginning. I had a close friend who was also friends with my boyfriend. This girl was popular for getting around, yet I ignored the fact and continued to be friends with her thinking she would never betray me. One night my boyfriend calls me saying he had to go to Walmart to buy something for his Ipod around midnight. Of course I did not believe him, but I was tired and decided to ignore the situation and go to sleep angry.

The next day he wakes up late and he uses the excuse that he was “up late playing xbox with his cousins.” Of course I did not believe him, but I had no proof. When I finally saw him he was acting different. Very distant, angry, did not want to hold my hand or kiss me. I started to suspect he cheated on me. Sadly it was true. He cheated on me with my close friend and I found out a week later by a friend who heard from a friend and so forth. The worst part about it is when I asked them both, they lied to my face. I was overwhelmed with sadness and anger. I could not stand her. I tried to let it go and forgive him, but at the time he did not care. He continued talking to her like nothing had happened and defended her saying it was all her fault. That was the moment I decided to pretend like he fell from the face of the planet.

For three month I ignored him completely and everyone knew to not mention him around me. In fact I changed my number around three times because somehow he would get it and “drunk text” me saying how sorry he was and how much he missed me. I did not believe him. I even had to block him off Facebook seeing as to he wrote me this insanely long mean message mentioning stuff he heard about me that wasn’t even true. The day came where he texted me early one morning calmly and so I finally replied. One thing led to another and we ended up meeting each other to talk. I realized how much I loved him and cared for him when he was pouring his heart out to me.

Shortly after meeting, we started dating again and I have noticed the effort he has put into our relationship. He is more sweet; I am his first priority and he tries to give me whatever I want, etc. But in a way, I feel like we are falling into our old habits again. I can’t help but think in the back of my mind that he is lying to me or that he is going to cheat on me again. I would love to actually believe him when he says he will never do that again and in time he will prove it to me, but I just can’t. It’s been six months since we started dating again and I still fear him. I fear he will do this to me again and that he is lying.

My question is: will I ever learn to trust him again? If so, how? I feel like I will never get over the betrayal and our relationship will never move foward because of me.


Dear Janet,

Thanks for your question. Sorry it took us a while to get to it.

You’ve probably heard it said a thousand times that relationships are built on trust, but we just have to say it again: Relationships are built on trust. And when that trust is broken it’s often very difficult to repair. It’s not because the love has disappeared—as in your case you still love him—but because love can’t hold up without trust. And this of course throws pie in the face of all of those fairy tales we hear as kids, that love will conquer all, and it’s all about love, love, love. Well, sure, love is an important ingredient, but it’s only a part of the equation. You’re experiencing this first hand.

It is possible for you to trust your boyfriend again but he’s going to have to show you that he’s changed and willing to do what it takes to regain your trust. And he’s going to have to show this over a long period of time. (How long is up to you.) But at the same time you’re going to have to forgive him, and try your best to not think about his unsavory behavior and move forward. We’re not saying you SHOULD do that, we’re just saying that in order for you to move forward with your relationship you’re going to have to try and forgive.

The thing is Janet, much of what happens here on out is up to you. We’d say the majority of couples don’t survive a breach of trust like you’ve experienced. Cheating on someone you purportedly love is akin to taking a knife to their heart. But even so, it still happens every day. You might want to consider couples counseling and talk to a professional about this matter. There are likely other issues going on that should also be addressed. Cheating doesn’t usually happen in a vacuum.

But finally Janet, just remember that you weren’t the one to breach the trust. Don’t start blaming yourself and feeling guilty. In fact, blame needs to be taken out of the equation if you’re really serious about trying to put the pieces back together. With a lot of work on both sides you can repair the crack in the foundation, but at the same time listen carefully to your gut. What’s it telling you as you process the relationship? Sometimes even with love, two people aren’t meant to be together. They push the wrong buttons in each other.

Good luck. We wish we could give you a definitive answer, but really it’s up to you to try and sort through your feelings. We’re pulling for you whatever you decide. Please keep in touch and keep us posted. We’re interested in how this plays out. And leave us a follow up comment, or ask a follow up question anytime. Use the comments section of this post and we’ll respond there.


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!


50 Comments on My cheating boyfriend; can I learn to trust him again?

  1. Also want to add that he is currently on vacation now with friends in a different country (and I trust him with that)… I don’t really have suspicions about him doing this behaviour anymore. And I am finding I actually miss having him around… Sometimes i wonder if it’s my perfectionism that taints the relationship, making infringements seem monumental, or if it’s really a messy relationship… I just don’t know. I am going to ask him point blank when he comes home if there is anything on his computer he wouldn’t want me to see, because I’ve grown out of the anxiety-fueled feelings (and he has a password there now because I told him I didn’t want to snoop) and will just be straight up… Sorry for the essay!

  2. Also I wanted to add that he’s in another country on vacation now (and I am not currently suspicious about questionable behaviour), and I am finding that I do miss him and feel love in his absence…
    I am going to ask him straight up if he has anything on his computer that would be inappropriate or violation of my trust, because my anxiety has made it very hard for me to be forward sometimes (I think it’s been a handicap in this for me)… And if he says no, I’m going to tell him to prove it to me.
    Sometimes I think it’s my perfectionism that gets in my way of forgiving myself for taking him back, or forgiving him for being “an idiot”… I have a lot of judgmental feelings sometimes, and not just on him, so it’s hard not to see if some of my own anguish is not my fault? Maybe for expecting perfect-relationship-type quality? I don’t know, I can definitely think myself into a circle.

  3. Hello Guys, Thank you for responding to these. My bf and I have been together for 4 years. He has never physically cheated on me, but I believe in emotional cheating which he has done. Once was with a girl nearly 3 years ago. The trust was gone, and everytime I built up some trust he let me down. Throughout the years I have found him looking through all of his exes and past love interests half nude pictures, thanks to facebook. He was emotionally abusive in the beginning of our relationship and essentially separated me from all friends and family. Meanwhile he was hitting it off with so many other women… He also has trust issues with me and gets jealous very quickly. He dumped me in January for going to a party, and I took him back two weeks later… Somedays I feel like I can never trust him again. I always think of the past. Do you have any advice on whether a guy like this is worth sticking around for? He has changed, but I feel like who I fell in love with was a lie. I would not have started dating him had I known this is how he was going to be. Do guys ever really change?

  4. @Felicity…..So, you’re asking what exactly? Are you at fault in some way? Should you leave? Should you stay? We have a lot of thoughts about this, but one very simple one seems to apply: If the relationship becomes more work than play, that’s something to take into consideration. Your relationship seems to be much more about angst, stress, betrayal, hurt, rather than trust, fun, understanding, respect. We know things are better between you, but the trust doesn’t seem to be restored. Do you think you’ll ever be able to trust him fully? We know you care for this man but what is it about him that makes you want to be with him? Is there something specific, special? Or is it that you’re not sure how to leave? We’re just wondering. Could you fill us in and we’ll get back to you with our response. (Probably tomorrow morning)

  5. @Sara…..Guys only change if they want to change, and most of the time they don’t. Actually, that’s true for all people, not just guys. The questions you need to ask yourself is: Is this guy committed to changing? Does he even think he needs to change? Or does he blame much of this on you? Why am I sticking around? Is it because he’s special, or is it because I’m not sure how to get out? We can’t or won’t tell you what to do, but it doesn’t seem like your relationship has much of a foundation to it. Without a foundation, trust can’t be built. Also, people who behave a certain way—flirting, cheating, etc.—often try to project these behaviors on others. That’s why he’s jealous and possessive. There are a lot of red-flags here Sara. What do you think? Let us know your thoughts. ps. Please share our site with your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  6. Hi thank you for replying to my message.

    Anytime I start thinking about leaving, I get anxious and unhappy… is one thing I know. Unless it was fueled by something that pissed me off, then I’m planning my escape, or way out… and then I start to imagine what it would actually be like, and it doesn’t seem as good of a plan…
    I feel we have an understanding of each other, and he gets me. I guess I should add that I might have some OCD-tendencies that make it hard for me to process things (like thoughts or events) properly enough to close them and let them go… I feel that I can trust to tell him anything… I know he wouldn’t tell anyone things I have told him… and when I let my walls down enough when I’m feeling confident that I don’t care how the relationship plays out – I act more like myself, I’m more assertive, we have tonnes of fun, laugh a lot, cuddle, and it makes me feel closer to him. He loves me a lot.. I can see it and feel it in the way he talks to me…
    I think he made a huge mistake, and he’s an idiot for doing so. And I know he feels terrible anytime that it upsets me :/
    I just wish I wasn’t such a judgmental person… on myself or on him.. and I wish it was easier to re-establish trust… 🙁 How would I go about doing that? Because I know that if he knew I was typing this right now he would probably fall to pieces inside 🙁
    I love how he views the world through a similar lens as myself, though he’s not as “sophisticated” as my mind thinks I deserve, he tries, and does try to get engaged into conversation topics I bring up… He cares about similar things in life as I do, and he’s really not a bad person 🙁 I just demonize him in my mind if I end up in the wrong mindset… He’s the first target my mind goes to :/
    I think I might actually qualify for Relationship OCD (I know this isn’t really a psycho-babble type place, but it might have some weight for my ‘story’ here)… and I really feel as though I need some support lately.

    Also, sometimes if I think enough about it, I feel like a fool for staying, it’s a judgment I’m making on myself: that I am an idiot for staying with someone because I loved them, and wanted to work it out… because something I had never thought in my life I would do, was take a cheater back… and I have… I guess what I need help with, because I feel very much like I don’t want to leave, is how to find the closure in this, accept that I have bent my rules and become more flexible (something I’m really terrible at in general..) and see that people are flawed and that not everything will always be perfect…
    But then I ask myself: are you fooling yourself?

    But I honestly think I might just need a real therapist 🙁 hah.hah.hah…

  7. @Felicity…….People bend the rules all of the time. Or rather, people bend their own rules and that’s a good thing. Because we all change, evolve, and hopefully grow wiser, or at least more comfortable with who we are over time. This is not about you taking back a cheater, as a blanket statement. This is about you taking back this particular cheater. We’re not saying that it’s wrong or right, we’re saying that’s where you need to focus. Everyone is an individual, so you need to treat them accordingly, same with each situation. From our point of view, he seems like a lot to take on, a project, someone that may or may not change. But we’re not you, and we don’t know him like you do. And that’s an important distinction. This is about what’s right for you. That said, don’t confuse acceptance and settling. You deserve to have a person who not only loves you but respects you. And by respect we mean, someone who has your best interests in mind when he’s not with you, when he’s out navigating the world. The question should always be in his mind: Would this be okay with Felicity? Am I being true to the woman I love? We’re just questioning whether he’s mature enough, or even able enough to do that. We hope so, and we’re pulling for you. We don’t typically advise people one way or another, but we try to paint the picture the way we see it. That’s what we see here. Your thoughts? ps. You joke about a therapist, but there’s no shame in that. And we think that might be a good idea. Many health plans help with this. And you’d be surprised how many people are using the help of a professional. Something to think about.

  8. @Felicity……ps. We may or may not have asked you this, but could you do us a favor. Please share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  9. Ive been looking for good advice for a while now cuz it seems like no one knows what im going thru. So me in my bf have been going out for 2 yrs. In the beginning of our relationship I was CRAZY in love with him, I felt all these butterflies in my tummy. But up to about 5 months he broke up with me cuz of. He said he needed time to think about our relationship and that he still loved me and he wasnt going to date anyone else. 2 weeks passed and he was with another girl. He told me himself in a text message that read: “hey sorry I didnt text you back quick, I was busy but I love you so much babe” 2nd message read: btw im going out with katie now.

  10. I just remember replying back with “wow” anyway they ended up dating for about. A month or less and the whole time he was with her he cheated on her with me. I so stupidity thought I was the only “other woman” turns out there was 2 more. I was so mad I kissed his brother. So we stopped talking about a month or 2 and we started talking a dating again. I was so happy. Till he had sex with one of my close friends. He said it was payback for kissing his brother and I took him back cuz I didnt wanna lose him again. Even tho that hurt me more then he could ever imagine. So a month passed and he got sent to a boys home (we were 17 during all this) in a town 1 hr away. I told him I would wait for him. He cheated again with another girl (idk if they did anything) (I found out by reading his facebook messages) his excuse this time was he didn’t know I would wait for him (the most messed up part is that I was pregnant by his baby and he knew it) (I had a misscarriage though) but he broke up with her and told me not to leave him and I didn’t so he was away at the boys home for a couple of months. He came back and everything from then on has been pretty much perfect. He always apologizes for the past and says he wishes he could change it and I know he truly is sorry. He tells me he loves me all the time, he is the sweetest. I never thought he could be such a good boyfriend. We have plans on moving in together I just got go get my semester of college over with. …but the thing is.. I still think about the past. Not too much. But when I do I cant help but cry and feel all this hurt and anger. (He told me he is extremely hurt by me kissing his brother, I know he is cuz he tears up when we talk about it) so I feel like we share the same broken heart but I feel as if he has done more damage to me then I ever couldve done to him. I know I love him and I cant see my self with anybody else, and I know he feels the same way towards me. My question to u is: do you think if I get married

  11. Married with him ill be Happy?

  12. @Eli…….Here’s what we can say: Marriage only amplifies everything. If you have a solid relationship built on trust, marriage usually makes the bond even stronger. On the flip side, if you have a relationship that is up and down with a history like the one you’ve described to us, marriage will usually cause that trust to break more, not less. Why? Because, marriage itself is stressful. And it’s for real. It’s a huge commitment, one that you have to choose every day in order for it to work. If a person is not 100% committed they tend to stray in a marriage because the thought of being tied down to something they’re not totally sure about is too much. Our advice: We’d recommend waiting quite a while before you proceed with marriage. Be together with this guy some more and really see if he’s changed. That’s not easy to do. A few months is not enough time to know. You need a few years or even more since you’re young. Then you’ll have a better sense of whether you want to move forward or not. What do you think? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  13. The thing is he has changed a lot already. If a girl messaages him on facebook he tells them not to talk to him that he has a girl, he is always calling me and texting seeing what im.going or he is always with me or at least true to be.. he dosent TALK to any girl and its bren a year since every thing and it has been a pretty much perfect year with him. And yes I do agree with on how marriage amplifies everything and I probably will wait a little longer and see if he really has changed.

  14. And the other reason I posted on this specific post is cuz I feel like I love him but I don’t feel the crazy butterflies anymore. And THANK YOU so much for the quick reply! I will most definitely tell my friends about you! Again, thanks!

  15. @Eli……As per your butterflies, or your lack of butterflies. Butterflies are caused by a chemical reaction in your body. When you meet someone new all your synapses are firing, and your heartbeat is accelerated. Typically this quiets down after the first year-two years, but it’s different for everyone. Sometimes it lasts only a few months and sometimes it lasts a lifetime. However, the key here is to figure out if your feelings are part of a natural progression, or if maybe you don’t feel enough spark anymore. Some people define the difference as: Being in love vs. Loving someone. So which one do you think it is? ps. Thanks for spreading the word about our site. We appreciate it!

  16. I’ve been dating this guy for almost 4 years. We have talked about having kids and getting married. I’m only 25 years old, but I don’t love easily. So, when I do find someone I love, I love so hard. My boyfriend and I have had our ups and downs, like all couples do, but I had vowed to work hard to make our relationship a success. About a year into the relationship, I found out he was sending messages to girls, hitting on them, etc. He claimed he never cheated on me. So, I learned to get over it. Things were ok for a while, then they started getting worse. He and I decided to break up. When that happened, he called me saying how much he loved me and how I was the one he wanted, etc. I believed him, like an idiot. We moved back in together and again, things got better. Lately, they started to get bad again. So, I looked through his facebook. I found out that over the last year, he’s been sending messages to various girls inviting them to the beach with him, telling them how beautiful they are and how good they look in their bikinis. I also saw where he told one girl that he was so happy to be rid of his “roommate” a.k.a me. How could he do this to me? How could he be so hurtful? He claims he loves me and then he does this to me. I know this is nothing compared to what some people experience, but I just feel so hurt and so betrayed. I’m so angry with him and so sad. I can’t stop crying. I keep thinking that I’m never going to find someone who really loves me the way that I love them, and that every guy I find is going to lie, cheat, and break my heart. I really don’t know how to get over this. He walks around the house like he hasn’t done anything wrong. He has no compassion for me. In fact, he had the nerve to get mad at me for going through his phone. Although I know that invading his privacy was wrong, he was the one who lied to me, and he maybe cheating on me. Why do people do these things? God, I’m so hurt. I feel dead. I’ve asked him to go to counseling, but I don’t think he will. He doesn’t think it will help. Do you he can change and our relationship can be saved?

  17. @Meaghan…..We’re so sorry. Don’t make light of what you’re going through. It’s every bit as hard as what anyone else is going through. Betrayal is tough no matter how it’s delivered. Your guy has betrayed you repeatedly. And that’s the problem. If this were a one time thing we’d say it was possible to work through this. But the fact that this is a repeated behavior, and that he’s not remorseful, and blaming you, tells us he has no intention of changing. We’re not sure why he’s doing this. It could be to make things so difficult that you’ll break up with him. Some people don’t have enough backbone to make that hard decision. They can’t deal with the guilt. Whatever it is, he at least owes you some sort of explanation. Our gut tells us that he’s not ready for the kind of commitment you are looking for. Just imagine what life would be like with this guy? A life full of worry. Relationships are built on trust, and they are destroyed by lack of trust. If he’s not ready to make some serious changes and admit he was wrong, and then take steps to changing his behavior, we don’t see this relationship going anywhere. First step: Talk to him, try to find out what’s going on, and then get him to go to couple’s counseling with you. We’re sorry again. We wish we could give you more uplifting advice. But we will say that there are good guys out there. And remember, that going through what you’re going through, you’ll be better able to choose a good guy because you will have learned from this. Hope that helps. Keep us posted and let us know if you have other questions. Ask away. Take care of yourself.

  18. Hey Guys, My situation is quite similar to Felicity’s. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years. I’ve known him for 8. The foundation of our relationship is a mess. He has a long history of leading girls on – mostly through technology – not so much face to face. The first 3 years of our relationship consisted of lies, and betrayal on his part, and ramping insecurities, endless snooping and constant heartbreak on my end. During those first 3 years he would never face the situation, never want to talk about it – deny it, call me names, make excuses, and just lie, lie, lie. He is a compulsive liar. We broke up after 3 years because we lost what had brought us together in the first place. It was a messy breakup. I found out he had been withdrawing money from my credit card ($300 in total), he “sold” the promise ring he gave me, started seeing a girl he had been in contact with for a few months while we were still together (who was 17 – he was 24). He asked me for a camera that his dad had bought us for christmas (his dad knew i loved photography)… he asked for it back – said he needed hobby – then GAVE it to this girl he was seeing. Long and horrible story short – we started hanging out again as friends, which led to him confessing his mistakes and his love for me… we got back together. When we got back together our communication was better than ever. He opened up, would listen to me, talk to me, etc. Complete 180 in his communication with me… He sat my parents down and apologized to them for everything he put me through and simultaneously put them through as well. We talked about everything and I actually felt like I could trust him. I forgave him for those 3 years of hell. He didnt have a cell phone anymore and deleted his facebook, etc. So he limited his online use which eased my mind. I really just fell back in love with him – and over the next year he really stepped up and turned his behaviour around. He started a new job at a factory and started working an afternoon shift. After 4 months of working there I get an email from my friend who also worked there saying that a girl from his work told her that she was seeing him and showed her an email that he had sent her… basically saying “hey sweetie, i miss you” yadda yadda… kicker: This girl was 17 and PREGNANT.
    so i confronted him. i actually wondered if this baby was his. Apparently he had made another email account specifically to talk to this girl without me knowing (not that i snooped his email ever but i did have the password). He confessed to certain things but maintained that nothing physical happened – he just felt bad for her and wanted to make her feel better, blah blah blah. He had no explanation for WHY he did it. He has never had an explanation for WHY he does these things… I know he doesnt actually LIKE these girls that he’s communicated with. He just said that he disassociates from me and goes into his own little world. I took him back… Probably because I had felt the closest to happiness with him prior to finding that out, and maybe I thought we could build it again…
    I just want to know why though. Why would a guy go the extra mile to communicate with girls they’re not interested in starting an actualy relationship with? Is it their own insecurities? I want to go to counselling with him so he can figure it out but I need some perspective… Thanks.

  19. @Ally…….This is tough. We’re sorry. He probably has no idea why he’s doing what he’s doing. Something inside him needs to be filled and this is how he goes about filling it. He might not define it that way. He might see it as just something fun, or something he needs beyond your relationship. Of course, if that’s what he needs, then he’s not much of a partner. You know Ally, if this were the first time we could see how you’d want to try and work through this. But after everything he’s done, after the apologies to you and your parents, and then after opening yourself back up to him even though he betrayed you, we’re not even sure how you could consider being with him. Actually, we understand you love him, but he’s a proven cheater and liar; and if he hasn’t changed by now, it’s very unlikely he’s going to change, counseling or no counseling. That said, we’re not saying you shouldn’t try. We sense that you need to go the distance in order to really understand if this can work, but we’ve seen this so many times before. Counseling is just going to delay the inevitable. Ally, don’t settle for a guy who does not respect you and love you the way you do them. You deserve more than that. Your thoughts? What do your friends think? Your parents?

  20. Hi THE GUYS, After finding out my boyfriend cheated on me, I separated from him to let him work on changing his ways and for him to get help through counseling. I see that he is really making efforts to be the man I deserve and he has been taking his counseling very seriously and seems like he is really really putting effort into making sure he never cheats again. I feel as though I can now get back into a relationship, as I have also been going to counseling and finding ways to forgive. However, my family hates him for what he did to me and they highly disagree with my decision. They support me in whatever I choose, but they do not believe he has changed or will change. Do you think my family will ever come around? They feel just as betrayed by his actions and dont want to see me get hurt again. Is it wrong for me to take him back even though my family doesnt quite approve?

  21. @Gina……Sure, in an ideal world, everyone wants their family to be happy with whom they choose as a partner, but it often doesn’t work out that way. You’ve got to make your own decisions. But a few questions first: What did he actually do? Was it a one time thing, or a repeated offense? Why do you think he’s changed? (It’s hard for people to change. Your family knows that. You want to believe it because you love him.) Do you think you’ll be able to trust him again? Please fill us in some more and we’ll give you more feedback. Also, if the two of you do get back together he needs to sit down with your family—probably just your parents—and apologize to them, and reassure them this will never happen again. (That would go a long way with them even if they don’t forgive him right away.) Last thing: It will take many many years for your family to change their opinion of him. He’d have to show them that he’s changed, not just for a few months, but more like 5-10 years. Seriously. Parents have a very difficult time forgiving people who betray their children. One day you might understand that if/when you have children. Let us know and we’ll get back to you. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. We appreciate it. Thanks.

  22. Thank you so much for your response. A bit more details: I had been with him for about a year and seven months and I found out by seeing a video on his computer of him and another girl doing sexual acts. It killed me. I have since been to counseling and so has he. I took months away from him and the situation to really get over the whole thing and let him find answers in counseling. He told me that he was feeling down about the death of his father a few years ago so he turned to a girl who was around when it happened and went to her for comfort and he let it get too far. He admitted he should have come to me for that comfort but he wasn’t comfortable talking to me about that part of his life. She decided to video tape what they were doing and then he kept it on his computer. He said it was a one time thing and that from counseling and constant church he has truly become a changed man. He has written both me and my family letters explaining his remorse and also his progress from counseling. I know what he did was a terrible thing, but I also know he has so many other great qualities that I have faith in the fact that he has changed his ways. He has shown that he has been putting continual effort and has not given up and I feel as though i can get back into a relationship with him. I have heard so many stories of people becoming even stronger after infidelity and i just have faith that that could be our situation. Do you think this is dumb of me to even think of giving me a second chance? And i totally understand my parents’ feelings in not wanting anything to do with him because they feel betrayed as well…but it just hurts to even think about the fact that they may NEVER accept him again. As close as I am with my family, this is a huge deal to me.

  23. @Gina……We wish we could give you a definitive answer to your question, but ultimately this is your decision. The world is all about second chances, at least we hope so. So yes, if he continues to put forth the effort to understand why he did what he did so he won’t do it again, and continues to show you how much he cares for you, then if your heart is able to forgive him, we see no reason why he doesn’t deserve a second chance. Just make sure one thing: That you’re not getting back together with him out of fear—fear that you don’t think there’s someone else out there. (There is) We’d hate for you to settle on some guy who you never feel completely happy about, or never fully trust. As per your family. Like we said, they may never accept him. It certainly won’t happen for years and years, which of course makes any sort of family gathering, etc. quite awkward. In essence, for a time, you’d be choosing him over them. You’ve got a lot to think about. Hopefully you ask yourself the right questions. (What do you really want? Do you think you can trust him again? Do you believe that he’s changed? Are you prepared for the division between you and your family? Etc.) Let us know if we can answer any more questions you may have. Thanks for sharing our site with friends and family!

  24. So, I am 18. I am very young and I know that. My boyfriend(20) and I have been together for 3 years. Rescently in the past 4 months or so I found out he had cheated on me 3 times. Tried to have sex with one of my best friends ( could not get it up) the second time he made out with my other friend, but that was it. Those two times he explained he didnt enjoy it. The third time was about a week ago with somone I know, he had sex with her, they both enjoyed it. My boyfriend has always had long relationships with girls and thought he was missing out on that part of his life. I understand that. He also said that the third time was because latley, our sex lives has not been very .. exciting, and it felt good to actually be wanted( he said that it was messed up because he pictured me wanting him that bad). After talking for hours, he ammited to not telling me because he knew I would leave him. And after the last time cheating, and actually enjoying it, he still felt as it was not worth it. He was done, and was now sure that he wanted me for the rest of his life.
    I don’t know what to do. I love him, but how could he love me if he hurt me that bad..hes asking for a second chance, but he did it more than one time.. how can I ever trust him. Do you think he is telling the truth? Should I have more respect for myself and just leave him?
    I guess what I am trying to say is that I am scared of leaving him because of what he could be to me now. If he is actually serious, then I beleive I derserve a second chance for him to love me the way I deserve to be loved. I know that it is up to me, I just don’t know if I can do this by myself.

  25. @Morena…We’re sorry this is so hard and confusing. What makes you think he’s changed? Just because he says it? And do you really think you can trust him again? We understand that people make mistakes. But three times isn’t a mistake it’s a pattern. For that reason alone we think you need to move on. Don’t settle Morena. You deserve much more than this guy is able to give you. In fact, he’s got a long way to go before he understands what it takes to be in a committed relationship. And if you take him back, all we see is more heartbreak for you. Of course, ultimately this is your decision. You’ve got to do what you think is right for you. What do you think? ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  26. GUYS,

    Thanks again for your sincere advice. It is hard thinking that i may have to “choose” between him and my family when I love both so dearly. Do you think it was wrong of me to tell my family that he cheated? During the months we were separated I just felt that it would be wrong to lie to my family about what was going on and I felt that being open and honest was the only way to get through it all. Sometimes I think I should have stayed with him and gone to couples counseling instead of separating and letting my family know. That decision still eats me up inside however I do not think he would truly learned from his mistakes and had the determination to make life changes had I stayed around and also I think it was good for me to take my own space from the entire situation. What are your thoughts on this? Any and all advice is greatly appreciated!!

  27. @Gina…….It’s a good question. We try to err on the side of caution when it comes to sharing the intimate details of a relationship. And for the very dilemma you’re faced with now. This happens quite a lot. You pour your heart out to friends or family about all the problems in your relationship and they of course side with you. You may even confirm to them what they suspected all along. This sort of confessional is fine if you’re never going to see the person again. But more often than not, some sort of reconciliation happens. And then you’re faced with a situation just like yours. Sometimes it’s family, sometimes it’s friends, but they’re never able to see the person again without that lens on. So yes, in the future, we’d recommend being tight-lipped about almost any squabble/issue/problem/fight you may be having with your partner. Hope that helps. Keep us posted.

  28. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. Before me, he was in a two year relationship with his ex. When we got together, I understood he still had feelings for his ex and I still had feelings for my ex as well. We both was just getting out of serious relationships. Everything was going good in the beginning but his ex kept popping back up in the picture. I got over my ex but, it seem like he wasnt. I would see that they still kept in contact and i suspected him of cheating on me with her and it was true. He finally told me months later, after continuous lying, that they had sex a couple of times. It was just sex so he says. He said the same old bullshit excuse that all dudes say “i didnt tell you because i didnt want you to leave me” -__- now that his ex has moved on, i feel like thats when he wants to show me and express all his feelings and wants me to give him another chance. Part of me says hell no! because you deserve better than to be his rebound girl but apart me wants to give him a second chance because i do love him. Idk wat do you think ?

  29. @Rebecca…….We’re sorry. Of course you knew when you wrote us what we were going to say didn’t you? It’s hard for us to get on board with a guy who flat-out lies and cheats. You know? You definitely deserve better. Don’t settle. If he was comfortable doing this to you now, he’ll be comfortable betraying you in the future. We are truly sorry. We wish we could be more positive, but we can’t. If you have any follow-up questions feel free to ask away. ps. We hope you’ll share our site with all of your friends. Thanks. We appreciate it.

  30. Actually I didn’t know what you were going to say. I’ve seen you GUYS being more positive and giving more feedback with similar situations so that’s why I decided to comment but, thanks for the honesty. Some people already told me that and some say give him another chance because he’s really showing a lot of effort that he’s changed and moved on with that chapter in his life. It’s not like he was cheating on me with random girls. It was with his ex and he needed time to get over it. I’ve decided to leave him alone anyways. I do deserve better, just can’t help who you love. Thanks for your honesty though

  31. I saw in my boyfriend that he was texting this girl and they was fussing about feelings and stuff she was mad about not seeing him he hasnt been calling or texting her and she asked did he have a girlfriend he say no and he respond to other messages like how to busy for him so he stop trying and that he still love her like he disclaimed to her but to others he show me off to the world. He lie about his were abouts and he get mad when i ask for his phone this happened on 12/6/12 when i seen the text but his actions are different when im around im confused because i dont know if he really is tryna hurt me and cheat or me or if he cheating and dont want me to know so he dont let me hold his phone and he lie about his whereabouts . i dont know what to do or how to act anymore i love him and really dont wanna loose him but ion want him to think he can cheat but yet still have me . what should i do ?

  32. @Drea……..It’s likely something is going on here ‘Drea. It sounds like he’s up to something with this other girl, or other girls. Has he cheated in the past?

  33. Hey guys, I have been with this guy for 6 years now. He was very committed in the first 2 years. He always wanted to spend time with me and had always been jealous of my exes while i was the not so serious type then.. i always wanted to go party with my friends even though he hated it, he was not the party kind typa guy.. he just want to be with me all the time.. i used to be so bored with his lifestyle and there were times i told him he’s very old-fashioned.. we had fights because of me wanting to have a little freedom while he was soo serious..blablabla.. however, during our relationship I’ve never cheated on him.. cos i love him so much.. anyways on the 3rd year of our relationship.. he changed.. he started going out partying and started hitting on other girls.. i was surprised at first..i wasn’t jealous but just surprised as i thought he’d never do that!! but he did.. i never confronted him.. just leave him to do his own thing.. cos i want him to have fun too! then the worst part happened when he started hitting on my best friend.. he used to make a joke out of it and i didnt care.. cos i thought it’s only a joke!! then one night he went out again and he didnt came back home.. for 3 days!! i started to get nervous.. and then i heard he slept with my bestfriend!! i was HURT and ANGRY!! i yelled at him.. he apologized and said they were drunk!! i kicked him out of my apartment! and continued partying like almost every weekend. i heard he’s always with my bestfriend at the bar.. i was filled with jealousy… i started to follow him and spying on him.. stupid of me!! he’s completely forgotten about me.. or maybe he’s enjoying his new life and new girl!! one day i went to his house and asked him to stop this kind of life – partying and girls.. he said.. “this is what you wanted in the first place isn’t it??” i asked him if he is seeing my bestfriend.. but he always denied it and said he just needed time and space!! :(.. i knew it wasn’t good!! but because i just realized how much i loved him.. i tried hard to get him back!! and i blamed myself for all this!!.. for about 5 months our relationship was a disaster.. we never see each other..but i still send my emails to him.. and he replied with one line or two.. i never stopped loving him. i was heart broken.. so i decided to isolate myself so that i completely forget about him.. then he started to look for me again..asked my parents.. came to my house everyday.. and asked for my whereabouts! until he finally got my new number and called me.. we met up and he apologized and wanted us to get back together. i accepted him and asked him not to cheat again.. he promised that he wont! so we moved in together again.. but his habit of going out partying doesnt stop.. even though i begged him not to..! i dont trust him anymore.. i know he would flirt on any girl! he doesnt want me to go party anymore he wants me to stay home while he go with his friends whenever he likes.. i asked one time that we need to settle and that he needs to stop partying every weekend.. he told me to trust him.. cos he cant love anyone else beside me! he’d always return to me.. my parents disapprove of him but i love him more! I just wish he change.. and become a more settled guy like he used to! do you think he can??

  34. @Juliet…….How old are you? Him? When did you start dating exactly? Our first gut reaction is that he got fed up with your lifestyle, but since he loved you and wanted to be with you he figured he’d start going out himself. Then three things happened. 1. You decided you wanted to be with him and stopped partying. 2. He realized that he now had control of you, and at the same time he realized he actually liked partying. 3. He also realized he was resentful for the way you treated him at the beginning of the relationship, and some of his behavior is due to that. However………..that doesn’t mean you’re to blame, and it also doesn’t mean he can just do whatever he wants and you should take it. To us, it sounds he’s gotten a taste of this type of behavior and now wants have his cake and eat it too. Do you really think you can trust him again? What’s your gut tell you?

  35. hi guys,
    i started going out with my ex-boyfriend (O) in sept 2011. i was upfront with him about my past (i had been in an extremely abusive relationship for 8 years) and told him it would be tough and was he sure he wanted to be with me. he said yes. we had an up and down relationship for about 8 months and then we broke up because my abusive ex (K) was back in my life (calling, threatening) and i decided to focus on getting help (therapy,exercise, meditaton). i got lots better. i found out thru the grapevine that my ex was dating a girl (S) in our office (we work in the same place, but not same department). i asked him a couple of times and he flat out denied it. i made great progress in my life and took him to dinner to apologise for being a bad gf when we were together (i couldn’t spend the night due to night terrors, go on holiday with him, was very cold and distant at times). he tearfully said it was ok and said he still loved me. we did not get back together till a month later. when we finally did, i asked him about the other girl as i just had a feeling about it. he finally admitted that he started seeing her about a month after we broke up and they broke up a month before we got together again. i was upset at the lying but i forgave him. about 3 weeks after that S came up to me at work and started telling me details about their relationship, turns out they started going out less then 2 weeks after our break-up. i was very upset about him lying about so much and told him we needed to go on a break (this was in Oct 2012). during the break, we would talk, have sex sometimes and say i love you. but it was still up and down as i couldnt move past his lying. however i found out 2 weeks ago that while we were working things out in nov, he slept with another girl (B) that he met on a business trip. i was devastated. he admitted that he went back to see her again, in the same week we had sex and were talking about our future and how to move forward. also during that time, i had a health scare and was working overtime on a big project and my abusive ex found out my new number and was calling me. i found out about the other girl by going thru his phone. he also admitted to kissing 2 other women when we were together. i also found out that he had kissed S about 2 weeks before we broke up and went away with her the weekend after we broke up. i told him that i could not be with him, he has been crying and begging for another chance, i dont know what to do?

  36. @Poja……This all sounds like a mess. Our advice: You need time to work on yourself. Heal. Get stronger emotionally. Get free of your abusive ex. Start fresh. See a counselor or therapist. Get on more solid footing. You’re not seeing any of this clearly. It’s too close. And you deserve better.

  37. Hi guys,

    I started dating a guy about 3 months ago, it was amazing in the first two months but after it just went downhill, he admitted to cheating on me and when I don’t talk to him he gets angry but he puts in no effort in at all. I’m excepting now and he wants me to keep it but I don’t think bringing a child into this is going to do anyone any good. I feel awkward when I talk to him, to be honest I don’t want to talk to him, I can ignore him for a few days but he always ends up calling and and uses the same excuse ‘I was like why hasn’t she text me’, anyways I don’t trust him to be a good dad, boyfriend even friend, so what do I do? I’m soo confused.

  38. @Lily……..You do what you need to do. That’s what you do. If you don’t want to be with this man you move on. And you tell him that he should stop contacting you. You’ve only dated three months. It’s not like you’ve been together three years. Is that what you were thinking?

  39. i met this guy thru facebook becos of my best friend who was his ex.. we started chattin with each other n he asked me out.. to which i said yes n then we both fell in love.. we used to stay in touch as we used to talk on phone or skype.. n ya it is a long distance relationship.. i havent even met him !around 2 months later i was told by my friend that he was cheating me. after which i broke up with him.. i missed him alot because i truly loved him n also he used to instigate talkin to me on facebook.. one day i got a message on my phone that he wanted to talk to me.. so i called him n he explained everything that happened.. it seemed that he was not cheating me, just a misunderstanding n then he told me he still loved me.. a few days later i shifted to australia n he told me he would miss me n all.. we still talk.. but the problem is long distance n he told me that he loved me more than friends but less than lovers.. what does all this mean? does he want to get back ? can i trust him again? will it work out? we both love each other a lot..

  40. @Neethi……Don’t settle. He’s pretty much told you he’s not attracted to you enough. That’s what he means when he says, “less than lovers.” This guy is not the guy. Time to move on.

  41. Michaela // July 9, 2013 at 1:06 pm //

    Hi guys,
    This is weird to be posting this online…but oh well, here we go. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a year now. For the first couple months of our relationship, he was also seeing someone else (his previous ex who came back into his life somehow) behind my back. I wanted us to start out casual, dating other people, but he always said that he wanted to be exclusive and told me how much he cared about me pretty early on after meeting me. I thought this was a little fast, but I was still flattered. I would see this girl’s name pop up on his text messages at strange late night hours and he said she was just a friend who was helping him with his resume since she had lots of job connections. Long story short, there were a lot of times that I didn’t feel right about her and I eventually asked him..many times.. about her and he denied denied denied. He got angry when I would ask and sort of just shut down. This went on for a while, and it really messed with me because in my gut I knew something was up, but he would look me in the eyes and promise me there was no one else. One day, he came to my apartment and said we needed to talk. He finally told me about her, confirming all my suspicions, felt so ashamed and cried all day about how sorry he was. But at the end of the day he left my place and went to hers to talk to her. He asked me to not respond to her if she contacted me because he wanted to handle it in his own way. He said she was fragile and didn’t want to hurt her. He wanted to end it, but didn’t want to tell her the truth about ME because he felt like that would be best. He said we were different people and while he knew I needed the truth, she would be better off not knowing. I said ok. I kind of regret it now. She did send me a long email asking me what was going on. He had told her I was a co-worker/friend, but she had discovered pictures of me on his phone and some emails so wanted to know what was up. She wrote it in a way that SHE was his girlfriend. It was very strange, and I was confused, but I stayed quiet and let him deal with it. But that’s when I put two and two together that she had actually found out about me, and this could have been the reason he confessed, not because of his burning guilt on his conscience that led him to tell me the truth. For a couple weeks there was some grey area…he was going over there and telling me about it, saying he was sleeping on the couch, but needed to end it nicely, etc. I don’t know exactly what happened. I’m not sure if it really matters at this point…

    So, I decided to forgive him and I think that since this happened so early in our relationship, it wasn’t as painful as it would have been had we been together for years before he decided to be unfaithful. What I struggle with now is constantly wondering whether this was just a one time mistake, or a real reflection on his character. When I suspected him, he often turned it around and yelled at me for accusing him, even in his mind he knew full well I was right. Now, I have this obsession with fact checking- I know he’s not cheating now and I trust that, but I go back in time and go over all the details of what he did back then. It’s like I”m trying to catch him in a lie. I kind of lump that whole time period as the “cheating era” but now I ask him about it to make sure he’ll tell me the truth NOW and to make sure that our relationship has evolved past deception. He gets really angry when I do this, and flustered. I don’t know whether he feels attacked (he says he does) or he just still can’t keep the lies straight and that’s what frustrates him. When someone looks you in the eye over and over and lies, it’s hard to tell what’s true and what’s not. Am I wasting time trying to go back and make sure every detail of what happened makes sense to me? Sometimes I feel like I’m holding us back by bringing it back to the past. Other times I think I just ask because I’m waiting for him to just give me the answer I want, in the tone I want. I just need for him to understand how much I am still affected by what happened. I feel like he puts the burden back on me to just “get over it” or to just magically trust him again. How much of that is my responsibility? And how much is his? He says my mistrust makes him feel like a criminal, and I hate that he would feel that way. If he’s being honest now, that’s awful. But part of me wonders if he just turns it on me to not have to do the hard work that it takes to earn my trust back.

    Every once in a while he’ll sit me down and tell me that he knows how special I am and that this relationship is so important to him and he will do whatever it takes to earn my trust back, on my own time. I leave those convos feeling good, but then the next time I bring something up he completely forgets everything he said. I see him struggling with it. I know that rationally he understands, but when push comes to shove he just can’t follow through a lot of the time. Is this an indication that he is not able to follow through on the things he says? I just want to be like “grow up and take responsibility in a real way for once” I don’t want all the empty promises, I want action!

    We’ve gotten to a point where I’m driving him crazy by bringing it up. And he’ driving me crazy with his inability to deal. Not even inability…unwillingness. What he doesn’t understand is if he just stayed cool and calm and showed me that he genuinely wants to be the best man he can be for me, I would stop asking him about it. I don’t know how to make him understand that. Help?

  42. @Michaela……We’re sorry. This is hard. But this is often what happens when one person betrays the other. The question isn’t: Is this a one time thing? The question is: Will you ever truly be able to get over the betrayal and feel good about this relationship? What he did to you was pretty shitty honestly. Basically he was living two lives and lying about it. Our advice: As hard as it may be. Cut your losses and move on. We don’t see this relationship going the distance.

  43. Hi guys,
    After a lifetime of ZERO committed relationships, I met someone through work 3 months ago. We were on company retreat and slept together the first night we met- the next day we were hanging out and chatting before going back our separate ways (1500 km apart). He started emailing me at work and added me on Facebook… where I found out about his 4 year relationship with his current gf, who he is also living with. I presumed we’d never see each other again, so carried on chatting to him. Within a week he had told me he was thinking about being single again, then he got drunk and told me he thought he loved me. I was up for relocation (to about 400km away from him) so told him if he was around when I was moving then we could possibly meet. He took a 5 hour journey to come and meet me for about 6 hours together, and when he arrived he presented me with a really expensive gift.
    We decided after that night to stay in touch, but about a week later his gf saw a message on his phone from me, prompting him to panic and send me a faked text to show to her. I thought we were both coming off a little too strong, so suggested a few days’ break, as we’d been in touch every day (having met just 3 weeks before) and we were being a little ridiculous. He misinterpreted this as meaning after the break I wanted him to either leave his gf or leave me, so told me that he wouldn’t be able to leave her so soon. I explained that this was just a cooling off period, and we carried on.
    We have since met up twice- once I went to him and once we met halfway between us, both times just for 7 or 8 hours together. In the last two months there’s only been about 4 days when there’s been no contact between us. We exchange texts, phone calls, photos… he tells me he loves me & he wants me & that if I was living in the same place as him everything would be much easier.
    Now he’s going away with his gf for a couple of weeks, so we’re kind of having another enforced break. My main concern here is that he just carries on with her like the doting bf, in an extremely happy relationship, as if I didn’t exist, and that he’s never planning on leaving her, just using me whenever he has a small window of opportunity.
    The main problem is, owing to my complete lack of experience in the relationship field, I don’t really know how to interpret what he’s saying, or whether I can trust someone who seems to find it so easy to live this dual life…
    Any advice you can give would be much appreciated!

  44. Anna,

    You have a lot of karma your way darling.

    You are crazy if you think this guy will cheat on his gf with you, then be faithful to you.

    Either way, you deserve whatever comes to you for being willing to hurt another female.

  45. Hey Guys, I could really use some advice.

    Me (21) and my boyfriend (23) have been together for over three years. We have a 2 year old daughter together. I love him and I want to be with him but I don’t know if I can ever trust him again.
    We only dated for a short while before I found out I was pregnant. I gave him the option to leave and he told me he wanted to be with me and he wanted to raise our child together. He would tell me how happy he was and how much he loved me and I completely 100% believed him. He wad the first guy I actually trusted. We were together for about 8 months before I found extremely inappropriate emails on his phone dating from present to back to when we first began our relationship. He has a foot fetish and was having girls send him pictures and videos and he was sending pictures back. I was beyond crushed. he apologized and cried telling me he would never do this to me again and that he didn’t want to lose me or the baby. So I believed him. We had our daughter and I thought everything was fine. A few months after she was born I found more emails, more texts, more pictures, calls from girls whos numbers he had saved under guys names. Again he apologized and swore he would never do anything like that again. The cycle continued and continued. Over a year ago I moved out and left him. We were apart for a few months. And of course came back to him after he swore he would never do it again. About 6 months later I found out he had been talking to his best friends girlfriend for a few months. At that point I was devastated. I left for a few weeks, and of course after the apologies and begging I came back. Things were getting better and I trusted him a little bit. 5 months after that I received a call from an old friend who informed me he had contacted her roommate on a dating site and was trying to hook up with her. I went online and searched for him. He was on a bunch of dating sites, foot fetish sites, and hook up sites. I confronted him with the proof I found and he denied it. Then eventually came clean and begged me not to leave. Told me how sorry he was and that he knows his daughter and i deserve better. So I stayed with him. It’s been about 4 months since then and he keeps assuring me he isn’t being unfaithful. I’m trying so hard to believe him. I love this guy. I want to be with him more than anything. I just don’t know how to get this trust back. I am so paranoid that he’s doing something or that I’ll catch him again. I want to trust him, I just don’t know how. Our whole relationship has been him online doing unfaithful things behind my back. He sometimes mentions how much we’ve been through together, but honestly it’s not that we’ve been through so much it’s that he has put me through so much. Can the trust be rebuilt? Or am I crazy to think he could actually be faithful to me? Is there hope for this relationship? Please help me.
    Thankyou guys in advance.

  46. Nevermind, I figured the answer out on my own. I found it again, he never stopped.

  47. Me and my BF have been together for 7 years off and on… we have 2 children together. Since the beginning there have been infidelity and lies from my BF. I’ve always forgiven him and tried hard to make things work bc I didn’t want to mess up our family. He is a great father. He has anger issues and has even hit me a few times (pushing and pulling) he has broken my cell phone on 2 occassions. About a year n a half ago I found out he was talkin to a girl he met at work. He moved out and left me n the kids to ve with her. I was Devestated and depressed I could hardly go to work or care for our children. I couldn’t eat or sleep all I did waa cry and he couldn’t even give me a reason why. He wouldn’t even answer the phone for me. He even brought the new girl around his family. I was sooo embarassed. It took me a while to get back on track as my self esteem went to an all time low.Its been a year n a half and now he wants to come home claiming he wants hid family and wants to get married and is sorry. I still love him but something in me has died when it comes to him. I can’t even stand for him to touch me as I still feel disgusted wit him. He wants me to let go of the past and try to work thing out but I can’t get ovee it. I dnt love him the same anymore. I dnt knw wat to do??? Any possibility ge has chsnged. I have heard this from him many times before

  48. I am amazed by the stories and comments written on that page, guys cheating repeatedly and promising repeatedly that they will stop and they always get forgiven…

    I am a guy, I know how it feels to feel like going to some other girl that you like but honestly, a guy who has a great gf, a good sex life, kids and all, and still goes to other girls… guys like that are not worth your time.

    If your couple has problems and he goes cheating ONCE because he got weak that day… maybe you can choose to forgive him. But a guy in a good and normal relationship with a good and normal sex life would not cheat if he was a little bit serious…

  49. This is a topic that hits very close to home for me. My bf cheated a couple of years ago, and I took him back. At first, I thought about the pain that he caused me, almost every day. I would go to bed sad and wake up in the morning, mad. I would look in the mirror and cry because I didn’t understand, and couldn’t understand. Til this day, I think that I should have given myself time to truly grieve and let go of the hurt and anger before taking him back. I don’t beat him over the head for his mistake, and I even try to make sure that I’m not punishing him in subtle ways either; however the memories will never go away. It does get easier with time, and it helps if your significant other is making the necessary changes, however, I realized that I had to make changes too. That is what made me stop feeling sorry for myself and stop playing the situation over and over in my mind. I wanted to be the best person, for myself primarily, and then for him. It’s a constant struggle, but again, it’s getting easier as I continue to better myself. I truly hope and pray that all women/men that find themselves in this situation are strong and pray often, because I couldn’t have maintained on my own.

  50. confused&annoyed // November 24, 2013 at 3:54 am //

    Question – going to sum up situation as brief as I can
    Was friends with a guy for about a year & we hooked up after a year of friendships (he’s 15 years younger). The beginning was kicks and giggles nothing serious. After 3 months he moved to another state and that was the end of that.
    Three months later after no contact he calls to ask me if I love him because he’s realized he loves me. So we start along distance relationship and would see one another whenever he came back to FL to see his family. He’d stay at my house, bring his brothers and cousin then leave early in the morning. This went on for over a year. He talked constantly about hating the state he was in and wanting to move back to FL and us be together and he talked of wanting a child. I discovered he had a girlfriend in the state he was in but he said it was just a fried and they had a lot in common and she was fun to hang with etc. Fast forward to another year and he’s still discussing coming back home and us starting a family.
    Two & a half years into the relationship we got pregnant. He left me for the girl in the other state saying he realized he loved her and sorry for lying and she was really his girl etc (yes stupid of me to have believed him but I trusted him). So the girl realizes he cheated on her and now has a kid on the way. I never heard from him during 8 months of my pregnancy. Find out he’s no longer with that girl but another one with her two kids and they live together. He got her pregnant while I was pregnant and she miscarried then he got her pregnant again demanded an abortion which she agreed to and their relationship ended and he moved back to FL stating he was sorry he loves me etc. When he came back to FL our baby was already 8 months old. He tried on father hood for about 3 months met another woman and left me and his daughter again. 6 weeks later he came back apologizing etc said the relationship was over and he was so sorry. He stuck around for about 4 months then met another woman and left us again. (Mind you we were never officially back together and not having sex during any of these times we were just trying to work on things…or so I thought). Anyway never heard another word from him for 15 months then he reached out saying unhappy he’s sorry he realized I was the love of his live blah blah blah then 4 weeks into that conversation (no seeing one another it was all phone conversations) he tells me the girlfriend is pregnant then disappeared…again. Two months later I sent him and email telling him his daughter and I are moving out of state. He didn’t respond to that email for over a week. Then he contacted me wanting to know where when and why about moving and states no he doesn’t want us to leave that he loves me he hates his girlfriend he wants to leave yes she’s still pregnant and no he doesn’t care…claims he will prove he loves me by moving out of state with us….

    Is he lying yet again and if so why?

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