What is the deal with guys? Why can’t they buy gifts? Do Guys think they are exempt from buying once they are married or with a long term partner?”
Cindy (name changed in case hubby reads)
The partial truth is, YES!
But the whole truth is, we are only accomplices. We might be completely overwhelmed by it all or we might just be good at playing dumb, but the bottom line is, women are enablers in this predicament and for good reason. Many women feel it’s easier to do it themselves, or so we’ve been told!
So yes, guys don’t get gifts much. We will absolutely try to get out of whatever we can when it comes to thinking up ideas, following through with the ideas(shopping), and then wrapping them up. But mostly because we’re given a free pass.
Free passes are usually given for three reasons.
1. Pity: This situation involves a Guy who is either inept or pretending to be inept at anything to do with gift giving. His wife or partner just feels badly for him. Of course if this goes on for too long it leads to our next reason…..
2. Disgust: The Guy has shown that he’s not only bad at gift giving he’s actually semi-offensive or at least not romantic. His idea of a good present for the women in his life is a blender, a vacuum or an exercise tape…..that his partner DIDN’T ask for!
3. Whatever: This is actually the worst of the free passes…..for the guy. It comes to this when a woman realizes it’s just easier to do it herself. But of course this is laced with annoyance and sometimes resentment.
So yes Cindy, we are certainly pretty lame when it comes to gift giving, but women need to stop enabling us . Make your guy, MAN UP!
Something to keep in mind. If your Guy was able to graduate high school and college, get a job, convince you to be with him, he certainly is clever or smart enough to think of gifts, buy them and wrap them. Or at least pay someone to do it for him.
We see two solutions to this problem. One would be let your man fail. Certainly not with the kids, but maybe with his own family or even you. Yes, you. If that happens you can constantly remind him why a new fishing pole was not on your list. He might get the hint and learn by next holiday season.
The second solution, which may be a more positive one, is to involve him. If he won’t take the initiative you might have to. Sit him down and have a discussion. If he’s not actually lazy, but just kind of clueless, then give him a list of jobs to do. He probably will comply even if he grumbles a bit. The more he’s involved the more he may change his behavior. Of course this is a five year plan, so take it a step at a time.
One word of warning. Relationships work with good communication and understanding. We don’t suggest making this a power struggle. Anytime you withhold “other” things it will only make matters worse. Guys don’t respond well to perceived threats. It just makes us more stubborn and boorish.
So start your plans soon. The holidays always come faster than you think.