Will he come back?

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Dear Guys,

I met a guy on New Year’s and we went out at the end of January. I was very hesitant to begin a relationship or even date since I knew there was a possibility that I would be moving at the end of summer (about 8 hrs away). I also had other personal issues that I was dealing with.

This guy was so amazing that I started dating him anyway, and within a matter of a few months I fell for him. This is the best guy I have ever met and the best relationship I have ever had. I am 28 and he is 30. He pursued me and was also the one to ask for the commitment. This was after we found out that I would be moving in June. We always said that long distance was manageable and that we don’t date just to date. This was something serious.

Well around the end of May—about a month before the big move—I became very emotional. I was sad to be leaving my friends and this amazing guy that I felt that I was in love with. I was leaving to further my career in residency (a two year commitment) and I even considered not going. However I felt that I had to leave to increase my job satisfaction which was at the time very low. But we said distance wouldn’t matter, as long as it was right. However I feel that my intense emotions of wanting out relationship to progress and survive the distance and my sadness in leaving may have begun to push him away.

Things were harder before the move and they continue to be now. I don’t know anyone in my new city and have relied on him for happiness. I haven’t been very happy but I’m slowly adjusting, which I think is normal after a big life change/move. I feel like my emotional stress caused further strain on our relationship. He knows full well I am ready to meet “the one” and so is he. Well this week he broke up with me. He says that he doesnt feel 100% committed to the relationship and that his emotions have hit a wall. However he says that there may be hope for the future after we have some time apart. And he says he is not saying that to “sugar coat” the break up and I believe that. There is seriously NOTHING wrong with our relationship. Only that he hasn’t fallen in love with me the way I have with him. The issue is that I still think it’s early (despite the way I’m feeling) and that love could still come in time. It’s only been 7 months. And he says he cares about me so much and wanted so badly for it to work. He says this arrest of his emotions has been growing over the last month. I have been away for two. I just think that he may feel this way because I have been so emotional. I feel that if I had played it cool, he wouldn’t feel this way. I have regrets.

So my question is, what is your take on this situation? Do you really think there is a chance for us? A chance for him to miss me during this non-communicative period of time? Should he know? Or are these the normal emotions that one goes through during this 6-7 month period that has been exacerbated through distance? I so hope that absence makes the heart grow fonder. We are each other’s best friend and I just really feel that love could grow. But then again, maybe I’m being a silly girl and need to accept that fact that if he was going to love me ever, he would not feel this emotional block now, regardless of the circumstances.


Dear Bridget,

Thanks for your question.

First of all you should have no regrets. For what? For being honest with yourself and him? Why wouldn’t you feel sad for leaving? Sure, you might be embarking on a new and exciting chapter in your life, but that doesn’t mean you’re not going to feel mixed emotions about leaving behind some people whom you love. And if this is what drove him away from you, then the relationship didn’t have as much going for it as you perceived.

Having said that, we still think it’s possible for the two of you to reunite, but you shouldn’t ignore the fact that he doesn’t feel about you, the same way you feel about him. And for guys, probably more so than for women, this doesn’t typically change. We tend to “know” right away if the potential is there for a serious relationship. So if he was already feeling a bit unsure, your emotional outpourings just gave him an opening to end things. (But they didn’t CAUSE his change of heart regardless of what he might say.)

Sure, distance can make the heart grow fonder. We’re sure your guy is missing you. But keep in mind that distance also makes people forget. It’s likely your guy will start to remember all the qualities he loved about you and block out why he wasn’t sure in the first place. But that doesn’t mean he’s truly changed his mind about how he feels. The only way you’ll really know how he feels will be if the two of you live in the same city and really give it a go. (But didn’t you do that already?)

Our suggestion is for you to try to be open to new possibilities in your new city. Try to focus as much as possible on your career and all the new people you are meeting. (We know this will be difficult) Because all you can really do now is wait and see what happens. We wish you the best.

Good luck,


ps. Please let your friends know about us. Thanks!





50 Comments on Will he come back?

  1. sussane // July 11, 2013 at 2:14 am //

    Hello Guys,

    I love a guy since childhood but never expressed my feelings to him when we were teenagers. Once,I called him up, we exchanged numbers and met as casual friends do. He was being nice to me and was flirting a bit. I was getting involved with him and I didnt want all this stuff to be one-sided as i was quite serious about him. So I finally told him about my feelings, i told him that i am totally crazy about him. He rejected proposal and told that he want to concentrate on his studies and career at that time. Still we were in contact and used to have long chats during our graduation days. We never went out with each other throughout..we used to meet for 10-15 mins near my apartment.After our graduation, he told me that he thinks that he loves me and we will get married in future. After few months right after our first kiss, he broke up saying that marriage is not possible because of family obligations.
    After 1-2 months he got back in touch with me and we again started having long chats and we used to kiss once in couple of months and were enjoying the romantic relation. It was very painful for me to not to have him as my life partner and our so-called relation was not going anywhere. I finally asked him if we gonna get married or not. He simply said no as his family will not allow.
    I decided to move on at that time.This was very painful for me and him. I was now with another guy for almost an year. This made him feel very jealous and sad.
    When me and my new boyfriend started talking about marrieage and we involved our parents in all these things, I very badly realized that I cant live without my ex-bf and I want to go back to him whatever it takes. I broke up with my new boyfriend and cried a lot due to these realizations.
    Even he (my childhood love)started telling me that he will never forget me and we will cherish all our good memories.He also said that I am very special to him and will never forget me. So i thought maybe he want me back.I told him that I broke up with other guy. He immediately came to see me because.. he said he really cares about me. We were again in a romantic alliance for 1-2 months but there was no commitment from his side. One fine day he said that we may go back in a relationship. We were again enjoying the romance and feeling of love which brought us back together. I was waiting for him to take this to next level but he didnt say anything. I had to pop that topic again and ask him finally if we are gonna get married??!! to which he replied that he never committed to me and marriage is not possible as his family wont allow.
    Now we are not in contact and I am not able to forget him really as he is my childhood love. He remembers our first phone conversation word by word, our first kiss, the date when i said i love you for the first time.This puts me in confusion if he loves me or not.. Please tell me if this guy was ever serious about me?will he think to come back to me ?

  2. Hello, I wondered what you thought about the chances of a man coming back when you have a child together? I know that in my case, if no baby, he would not come back as I tad become clingy, moany angry and a bit mean with the pressure of the baby and wouldn’t blame him. I know he cares for the baby and is a good man but has said he doesn’t care for me anymore.it only been a few days and I have stayed quiet. do you think he may change his mind? So far haven’t heard from him. I was quite horrible to him. and he admitted he loved the baby not me. . . Please help. I messed it up for too long.

  3. Dear guys,
    I had been talking to this guy for 2 years (2010-2012). It was a normal relationship with arguments and all that. We are both in our teens, but i’m a year older (19). We had been having a long distance relationship for 1 year because i left high school and had to go to college. The relationship was good. I made every effort to go home on weekends just to see him. In late August of last year, he left high school and moved on to college in a different part of the island. As soon as September struck, he stopped calling and texting me and whenever i tried calling and texting he wouldn’t answer his phone. I called every day for a whole month and he would never answer. I left him voice messages and so on because i thought that he might eventually answer. During that time, we would talk on facebook (for about 3 times out of the whole month; bare in mind that we used to talk every day). Whenever we talked at this point, i tried not to bring up anything about him not talking to me because i didn’t want him to get upset with me so i’d just conceal the hurt and move on to try and make things better with us. About early October, one of the times when he decided to answer his phone, he said he wanted to break up with me. I began crying and asking him why because during the time that i was texting him, i asked him over and again if he wanted a break up, but he wouldn’t answer. He told me to go to sleep and think about it. The next morning i woke up crying and my room mate from college called him and told him i was crying. He wanted to talk to me at that point, but i couldn’t speak so i told her to tell him i don’t want to talk to him so he said he’d call back. That same evening he texted me saying he couldn’t get any credit and that he’s sorry he wanted to break up with me, but he thought that was what i wanted and also said he’s just confused and have a lot going on right now. After that night, we began talking again like normal (or should i say much better than in September). Sometimes he would ignore my messages when i sent them, but i wouldn’t mind that because i wanted things to work between us. One night we were texting and he just stopped suddenly so i called and asked if we weren’t texting and his reply was “so?” I then said ok and hung up. A little after that he texted me and said sorry. I said it was ok, even though it wasn’t because he never was like that ever in our relationship until that September. In mid-November, he stopped texting and calling me completely again. Then when we would video chat on facebook, he wouldn’t mention any reason he was ignoring me. I wouldn’t mention it either as i said before. I had this to deal with until in December. We had planned earlier in the year to spend Christmas eve together as we normally did. I was on holiday before him and would send him messages as if everything was ok and as if we were on good terms and he wouldn’t reply, but i tried not to argue with him about it. On the 22nd of December he came home and texted me saying he’s home so we can meet up (we live in the same city) so i went. I missed him so much and wanted things to work so bad so i was trying to do everything that i know he likes. We were there enjoying ourselves, until i tried to kiss him. We were doing it only for a few seconds when he stopped me and said not to. I said nothing. I was wondering if he was cheating because we were not really on good terms from September so we hadn’t kissed since and it was now December (need i mention that we have never had sex so i am wondering if that’s the reason also). When i went home, i texted him and said i was home, but he never replied. We never spoke until the 24th of December after i had been calling him for hours asking if we are still going out together. He never replied until i was in the town all by myself. I thought he wasn’t coming so i called one of my friends and she said she was on her way with her guy so we can hang out. During that time i was still calling and he answered. i asked him where he was and he said he was on his way. About an hour after, he eventually reached. We spent the night together and he would walk and hold my hand and introduce me to his friends, but when we were alone, he never kissed me on my lips, only once on my cheek. After, we left the town on the morning of the 25th,he texted me in the evening and things were ok. He never spoke to me no matter how many times i texted him after that. It wasn’t until the 30th that he texted me and said he wanted to break up and i tried to change the conversation, but he insited so i said that we should meet in the town and talk. The net day we met and he was saying that our relationship is not healthy and that he can’t bother with the commitment. I was wondering where all of that was coming from, i mean everythng from September because i just couldn’t understand. I didn’t force him to stay anyways. My real problem is that he knows that i’m not yet over him and up until this minute he talks to me now and just stops for weeks. I have asked him many times if we are getting back together and he said i mustn’t waste my time, but yet still he talks to me like we normally do when we were in a relationship, except he doesn’t tell me he loves me (which he stopped doing form September). I am wondering what to do because i don’t want to be hurt any more and every time i say i won’t talk to him when he calls or texts, i still end up doing so, thinking that things will be different. The truth is i really love this guy and i would really want things to work between us if they can; do you think things can still work? I want to know if you can help me.

  4. My boyfriend of almost two years decided that he was too busy to have a commited relationship. He works night shift, attends college online, has 3 girls. So he really has no time. So we split up. Our relationship was great…we rarely fought. His girls loved me and his oldest has expressed to me how much she misses me and out if all the girls her dad dated…she likes me the most. So its heartbreaking. My ex and I knew eachother for about 5yrs. He has always been attracted to me. And I to him. When we broke up he said “I just don’t know what I want right now, but I do miss you and love you.” So its hard. I went and got my stuff from him, and he wanted me to keep my bike at his place because “I will still be here, the bike won’t go anywhere” but I took it anyways. And I had to get christmas decorations and he says “you never know by then” so I left then there in hopes that he would wise up and get back together…because it sounded that way. That was 2weeks ago. He has shown no effort…only answered texts once in a while and never ones about our relationship. Last week I decided that I was going to go back and get the rest of my stuff, he was off and told me that when he had time to get up to the attic to get the stuff down I’d be the first to know…that whole week, I heard nothing of kt. Until I messaged him with demand. Finally got the rest of my stuff. He gave me a hug on the way out and I said ok good now that I got the rest of my stuff I won’t bug you. He says that he still owes me money and ill have to bug him for that. I didn’t bring that up the whole time…you woukd think he would just not even mention it! I know I wouldve. And he expressed that he would still do my taxes for me (I asked for my w2s from last yr). I’m si confused. He seems to not care but to not want to let me go. He still waves at me in passing. Comes over when he knows ill be babysitting my cousins kids (next door) and talks to me like we r best friends. Does he in fact want to eventually get back together…or is he just wanting a friendship (which I can’t provide because I’m still in love with him)?

  5. @Amber……..It sounds like the two of you have a lot to work on and that maybe he doesn’t really want to put the energy into doing that. Sometimes relationships run their course. It’s hard to say if your relationship is over or not, but if you have any chance of saving it the two of you need to start communicating differently. Maybe a couple’s counselor might help?

  6. @Leia…..So do you stick by your initial decision? Do you still think what he told you was a deal breaker? Because if you do, we’re not sure why you are even wondering about this guy. So our question to you is: What’s going on? Do you want him back? Have you changed your mind about the deal breaker? And can you tell us what that is? Maybe we can help you figure this out. As far as this guy: Maybe he’s with his ex because you said you didn’t want to be with him. So he decided to give her another chance.

  7. @Sussane……We don’t know exactly why he’s not serious about you, but we do know that this is not going the distance. Meaning, he’s not planning on marrying you, or even committing to you. You need to understand that and move on from this relationship and this guy. He’s keeping you in an emotional holding pattern.

  8. @Cara…..He might hang around to be with his baby, but as far as giving the relationship another chance because of the baby, that’s unlikely. Our advice: Focus on your baby. Figure out when he can see the baby. But try to move on. This is likely not going anywhere. We’re sorry.

  9. @Jade…..Sometimes relationships just run their course. That’s what we see here. We’re sorry. He’s got to really want to come back. It doesn’t sound like that’s what he wants. Our advice: Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t love you the way you love them. And don’t get into any sort of FWB hoping that he’ll come back because of the sex. Good luck and hang in there.

  10. @Jenn…..He wants the fun parts of the relationship—the emotional support you provide, the sex possibly—but not the rest. Basically, wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants you, but he also wants to be single. We wouldn’t be surprised if he suggests a FWB arrangement down the road. We’d advise against that. Our advice: Don’t let him keep you in an emotional holding pattern. If he doesn’t want all of you, he probably shouldn’t have any of you. Your call of course. Good luck.

  11. Hey guys, thank you for your response, I really appreciate it! Well about the dealbreaker–no I cannot accept it still, though I am just less surprised now and just got use to knowing about it. I can’t really explain what it is, but it’s something I know I can’t have in my life. The main trouble is that the emotional part of me does want him back but the logical part tells me it is much better left alone. My problem is that I wish I knew how to get the emotional part to agree with the logical part. It also kills me because I felt like I failed but his ex seems to be able to deal with it and I hate that I couldn’t. Before we ended it, he has told me that he admired me and thought of me as something of a role model and I feel I let him down. The whole thing is harder to get over also because we still keep in touch, and I also can’t seem to cut off contact because I would at least be able to know how he’s doing. I guess my question would be how to reconcile all these things and move on? Also, do you think he’s been texting me all this time to keep an emotional hold (because if it is, it’s working!)?

  12. Okay, so last September my boyfriend and I began dating. He was my first boyfriend, but I wasn’t his first girlfriend. At the very beginning, I was a little hesitant, but as time went on, our relationship grew very strong pretty quickly. He ended up living at my mom’s house with me for about 5 months because he and his dad weren’t getting along that well. After he moved back into his dad’s, I stayed there with him. He has a history of doing drugs and has battled with addiction and long story short, at the end of may he moved to new york (i live in pennslyvania) to get clean. A little after he moved to new york, he changed his facebook relationship status to single, but when I called and asked him about it, he just said it was because he was tired of hearing people tell him that he shouldn’t be in a relationship at this point in his life and he needs to focus on getting better. I accepted that and we still talked every day and told each other “i love you, i miss you” etc. On july 5 he sent me a message that basically said ‘your my angel, my best friend, you’ll always be mine, i almost say your name to no one, i can’t wait to live life with you’ on facebook and we talked for a little after that and everything seemed to be going great. This isn’t the first time he’s told me he wanted to spend his life with me/marry me. He used to say it before and was shocked at the fact it even came out of his mouth because he said that in other relationships girls would mention it and it freaked him out/he’s never felt like he wanted to marry someone before. When I messaged him the next two days he ignored me. I tried to call him the next day (3 days of not hearing from him) and he ignored the calls. I finally got ahold of him the day after that and asked him if he was coming home this weekend (he was supposed to come home for like four days and was planning on seeing me) and he told me yeah and that he couldn’t see me because his dad wasn’t letting him see anyone, and when I asked him why he ignored me for the past couple days he replied that he wasn’t at his uncles (where he has been staying), but he was at this girl’s house who he met up there. I got irritated so I told him I had to go, but messaged him later to tell him that it really hurt me that just a couple of days ago he said he wanted to spend his life with me and now all of a sudden he is all about some other girl. It basically ended with him telling me he’s tired of trying because he doesn’t know what he wants and that he doesn’t know when he’ll be coming home for good, it’s too hard because we can’t see each other, my life is better without him because he struggles with addiction and his life is better without me too.

    I know he still loves me, he wouldn’t have sent me that three days ago if he didn’t. Feelings don’t change that quickly. I honestly think that he is tired of missing me and hurting because of it (he told me before that he couldn’t wait to see me and that he hated sleeping alone) and is filling the void by getting involved with this other girl. I think he doesn’t realize that’s the reason he is attracted to her, because his heart is desperate.

    But that’s just my take on it, I could be wrong..

    Now here comes the obvious question: How do I get him to realize he’s still in love with me, and for him to realize he made a big mistake on giving up on our relationship even though it is hard on the both of us? How do I get him to be willing to give this another chance?

  13. @Leia……..It’s hard to let go, especially if you’re still in touch with him. And of course, it’s his way of keeping you emotionally “available” to him. Either consciously or sub-consciously. This is one of those situations where you just have to decide and stick to your guns. Your brain will have to make the decision not your heart. Or if you can’t do that, this will continue on until he starts dating someone else, or finally figures out you’re not coming back. But that could be a long time. Good luck.

  14. Dear guys

    I am 17. I met my ex my first year of high school. We were friends first.. then it started to escalate…. we eventually started dating and we were together for about 8 months but over the summer we drifted.I felt neglected. He wouldn’t call or text.. when school started back.. it just wasn’t the same. I broke it off.. becausr we both agreed we were no longer happy… he kina brushed it off as if it was nothing .. we continued to be friends and it was fine. I
    Eventually I found out he was actually hurt by it. I was on the rebound I talked to this one guy that would try to flirt with me whilr we I was still with my ex but I didn’t respond til after the break up. However i still had feelings for my ex and the guy recently cane outof a relationship.. its kina like we leaned on eachother… but nothing ever happened between us. After a month or two of being friends my ex and I decided to work on us… everything was fine… and we started back messing around on a “more than friend” level. We reached a point where we got back together… but I still wasn’t sure so I asked for more time.. he agreed… we ended up having a series of ppetty arguments… because he would always broadcast them on the internet. We finally got into a fight that resulted in us not talking for 3 weeks.. during that period I would alwayd see him with this girl… we weren’t exactly friends but close enough where she knew me and him were on and off. Eventually I started to see something wasn’t right… we ended up talking again… he told me he wanted to be friends because he was tired of fight ing. I knew it was more to it than that. I asked him if he had interest in someone else he said “no not really” I just knew that was crap… he tried to sugar coat it by saying he grew close to someone…. as a “friend”… it was indeed the girl if been seeing him with. After that I tried to smooth things over because I felt at fault I thought maybe he was sick of my confussion and wanted to move on. I constantly asked about that girl and hr kept denying it… until it all hit the fan.. apparently the girl gave him an open opprotunity and he knew he kina liked her but still had feelings for me so he wadnt sure.. he basically wasnt moving fast enough… so she got with tgis othetlr guy. My ex was all hurt about it.. I went through t he roof not because he luked someone else but because he lied.. I knew what it was like to not ne sure of feelings. But I was honest with him. We went back and forward things were really confusing between us for about two months .. he asked me to give him time and like a fool I did… and I ended up finding a text where he told the girl if he got another chance he would take it… I was beyond pissed. But still stick around… but he started contacting me off and off. I knew I was being strung along. .. so I stiooed talking to him… one day we were at a school event and I completely ignored him… and for about a week I played it cool… but then he startex making remarks through yhe internet to get my attention. … he texted me saying he wanted to fix things and he blblew me up for a week he swore that whatever was happening with them… was done he said he accepted that shr had a boyfriend and realized he let it cost him. But I wasn’t buying it.. but foolishly I tried to see what woyld happen for about two weeks. .. we were great until all of a sudden they started back texting and calling on the regular… she would do things likr walk up to him whrn I was there when she knows I don’t like her. Not because of whatever happened with them but because she was a snake about it. Anyways… I started noticing things likr how he would delete msgs beforw he gave me his phone to make a call… or how he’d act out of the ordinary. .. I started to think I was thinking too deep into the little things but I knew in my heart I wasn’t. I brought it up and he never could outright say he no linger had feelings for her he just said she had a boyfriend and up until a xouple weeks prior they didn’t talk outside of school (ironically she decided to start back textimg whwhen I came back around) and I know because I saw the last text.. before she started again. Thr conversation went tit for tat… about what we wanted.. until it turned into a huge blow up.. he said some really harsh things.. but basically admitted to still having a “crush” on her.. two weeks later I tried to explain to him that I had a tough time getting over his betrayal because hr wasn’t being honest with me when it all first started so I wasn’t sure if I could trust him…. I ended whatever it was but I was angry. Hr acted like he dididn’t care… about a week layer we kept getting into fights over the internet. … becausr we re watching eachothers social networking. I told him I couldn’t br friends with him cause it hurt too bad… idk what to think now we aren’t speaking I heard through a close friend of ours that he says he regrets the split.. but idk what to think or do… I’m kina angry at myself that after the dishonesty I want him to come to his sense s and admit he was wrong. Did I jump the gun? I still live him very much but I just couldn’t handle being scared he wanyed to be with her and just use me as a fill him.. what do I do please help!

  15. @Paris……You move on. That’s what you do. There’s way too much drama with this guy and this situation. You deserve better.

  16. Hey guys, yea I’ve made the decision to finally stop all contact, including looking at his facebook, for awhile. It’s been a week since I’ve stopped and I feel a bit more removed from him and the whole situation, but at times I still wonder whether I made the right decision to let him go. We’ll see how it goes. Btw, this is a great site and I just told a couple friends about it! Thanks again for your advice and support.

  17. My ex and I had a huge fight after a near perfect relationship of 7 months. It ended very badly as he felt I broke up with him over nothing, when that really wasn’t my intention that morning. I bombarded him with calls the next day and he never responded, simply texted saying he wanted time cuz I’d hurt him so freaking much. He grew a bit harsher when I kept trying to talk and always said he didn’t know what he wanted anymore and needed time. I unfortunately begged him to give us another try, but he shot me down and after 2 weeks stop replying to me. I texted him a month after he initiated NC and he never responded. Now it’s been about 3 months since the break up. I know he loved me dearly and he takes commitment seriously, but I feel as if that’s not enough and he’s trying to convert the pain into hatred. He’s very stubborn by nature and his advice giving friends are egoists. I have accepted either outcome, but I can’t seem to let go of the possibility of his return. I obviously want him back bc he’s the single most respectful and loving guy I’ve ever come across. I fell really hard. What do you think?

  18. @Abeer…..Any sort of reconciliation has to come from him. Sorry. Take care.

  19. Hi Guys,

    I was in a relationship with a guy for 4 years, and lived together for 3 years, we had a good relationship, always spoke about our feelings and not a day went pass without us telling each other that we loved one another. I have 2 kids of my previous marriage and they got along fine. We’ve been through quite alot of emotional trauma like death in his family, but still we managed to carry on, about 3 weeks ago he told me he needed space to sort out his life because he feels emotionaless, I told him it’s fine and trusted him that that is all it was, 2 weeks after he moved out he told me over the phone that he doesnt have feelings for me any longer, I felt so confused and couldn’t understand how his feelings could just change like that over night, then a week later he told me there is someone else, it’s a work colleague, someone who I met and we even went out together. I’m struggling to move on because I still love him, we had plans for our future, now it’s all gone.

  20. Kristen // July 23, 2013 at 8:34 am //

    I’ve been dating a guy for about 2 months now and for the past 2 weeks his ex girlfriend who doesn’t even live in the same country has been texting him saying she misses him. He told me he is very confused and wants to clear his head. However, after telling me this has told me that our relationship has potential to be something serious and that everything between us is perfect. The next day he told me he thinks it’s best we don’t do anything for awhile so that he has time to think and clear his head. So my question is what do I do and will he come back?

  21. @Petals…..We’re really sorry. We know this is a surprise to you but he’s been percolating on this for a long time. And the fact that there’s already another woman should tell you that he’s moved on. It should also tell you that maybe the relationship wasn’t what you thought it was and that this guy’s character may be in question. Maybe understanding that will help you move on eventually. We’re sorry. Let yourself grieve, surround yourself with people who love you, and then try to dive into some things that make you feel happy. Time will heal. But it could take a while. Be patient with yourself.

  22. @Kristen…..You don’t do anything. You chill. And see what happens. Yes, that will be hard. But the waters are muddied. He’s got you and he’s got his ex. And frankly, do you really want a guy who is still emotionally invested in another woman? Give him some time and just see what happens. Take care.

  23. I was having a affair with a Married Man for 31/2 years I decided to break it off because the time was not there we broke up through a text and told him we only spend saturdays together and theres no time for me and i finally opened my eyes and I can find someone that would appreciate my time it’s been 4 days his last text to me was Whateva Do you then but I would like for us to be Friends I didn’t want to not speak do you think he will try and contact me again??? to bring closure remind you we have known each other for 25 years and he said we were suppose to be together but i was 18 @ the time and we reconnected 31/2 years ago and had been together since despite him being Married I need Help on this one?????

  24. @Que………You don’t need help. You need to move on. He’s married and cheating on his wife with you. It’s time. You deserve much better than this. But you have to believe that yourself.

  25. I’ve been seeing a guy, Chad, who lives in another city for 7 months now. He lives in the same city as my family, and we’ve managed to see each other once or twice a month since we met. Each time is similar – we spend hours talking, having sex, and sometimes a romantic dinner. I am planning on moving there in a few months, and lately I’ve been traveling there more frequently. He is 29 and I am 25, we have many similar interests, and he’s beginning to open up to me.

    When I questioned whether or not it would change our relationship if we begin seeing each other on a more regular basis (and ultimately living in the same city), he told me that he’s seeing someone else. I’ve been seeing other people too – and there’s one particular guy I’ve grown closer to, and therefore have not been paying as much attention to Chad lately. But I asked if things would’ve been different if I had brought up “our relationship” sooner. He said no, and that he wasn’t interested in that until very recently.

    Is he only interested in a real relationship because he met this other girl? Could it be the timing/location of our relationship? (things were moving very slowly for a while)… Do you think we might still end up giving dating a try once I move to his city? He did say he’s sure we’ll talk soon… do you think he’s just testing the dating pool, or is he totally over me?

  26. @Elyse…..He sure doesn’t sound very serious about you. Whatever you do, let him initiate. But basically we see this going nowhere.

  27. Hey!
    So my boyfriend and I dated for a year and a half. We were together from the day we met. Amazing chemistry, we just get each other and have so much fun together. I have never enjoyed doing nothing as much as I did with him. So we were happy. he loved me so much and cared for me. He was always pushing me to do better. He was the one who talked about kids first, told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, talked about moving in. BUUUUT
    The last few months of the relationship I felt that he was feeling trapped. that he was seeing us a something very serious and it was scaring him. (i never pressured him into marrying me or anything he knew i eventually wanted a ring but for him i would have waited years and years). anyway he started pulling away told me he doesnt see a future for us (that was the night after he told me he can’t live without me and no one is ever going to love him more than I do and begged me not to leave him) and he’s fine with staying with me but he wasn’t sure i was okay with being in a dead end relationship. I said I was because to me he seemed like he was afraid of something and it was just a phase. Which it kind of was because he started showing me love again, we traveled a few times, he surprised me with a visit and we were so happy and got along so well the last few times we saw each other. Then i had to leave for the states because I have an internship over there for the summer and he was leaving to thailand almost a week after that. So I get here he is all nice to me and stuff then I start my internship and 15min after I say to im I just finished my 1stday he asks me to check my email. I do. and what’s in there? a break up email. It wasn’t harsh it just said that he thinks that we should end it and that he wants to focus on his career (he starts his job in september) and that he has too much to see and learn and he is too young to commit to a long term relationship. and he is afraid my parents won’t accept him ( we are from different cultures but my mom knows about him and is okay with it.. ) and that he has had an amazing year and a half with me and that i was part of an important time of his life (finishing uni, applying for jobs etc). so i ask him to skype of course i cried (not hysterically) asked him to change his mind then i just asked a few questions and he said ” i love you to bits and i already miss you but this is the right thing to do i won’t change my mind” and when I asked if i will ever see him again ( we live in different cities) he said yeah. and he said ” you know I’m not the relationship kind of guy but when you came along i fell head over heels and i thought ths is what i want”. So anyway we agree to stay friends and that he will always be here for me. This is where I screwed up. I think you can guess what I did but I’ll say it anyway. I acted desperate, I begged, it’s all i texted him about for days. He was nice at the start but he started pulling away and he said he needs his space. I said i understand and I gave him space for a few days. Then I asked ” what if I don’t get over you?” and i told him there’s something i want to tell him (genuine health scare that I thought he would care about I think he believes I did it for attention” so what did he do? he unfriended me on facebook and blocked me. then he whatsapped me saying ” this is the last message you are gonna get from me and i won’t receive anything from you because I would have blocked you by then. I am doing this because you don’t see to understand that this is over. I owe you nothing, everyone has the right to be single and you are trying to take that away from me. All the best in the future” . That crushed me! so i sent him an angry text and then i emailed him an apology and said i hope we can move on from this and act like adults and be civil to each other. explained the health scare and haven’t contacted him since. I am not planning on contacting him for at least another month. but I wanted to know what you think of the situation? do you think i can get him back? my gut feeling says it’s not over, even if we aren’t gonna end up together, there’s more to us than this. and i know he still loves me to bits! but he is extremely stubborn and such a macho man.

  28. Michaele // July 27, 2013 at 1:45 pm //

    Hey guys,
    My boyfriend and I had be together for 9 years and he left me 2 months ago. As with any relationship we had our share of issues throughout those years. About 2 years ago I moved across the country for a job but we stayed together and saw one another every couple of months. About 7 months ago I started drinking heavily to cover my pain of being away from him. Needless to say I said some pretty nasty and hurtful things in the really drunken moments. He broke up with me and has cut all contact unless it has something to do with bills or another similar situation. He has said ” I am done an moving on, things will not be the same again”. I have been sober for 6 weeks. And going to therapy to work out my issues. I want him back and I want him to stop dwelling on all the negative moments. Do I have a shot at getting my guy and relationship back? Thanks!

  29. @Sirine…….First of all, what you’re describing—your breakup—is very typical. So don’t feel like you did anything wrong. Sure, maybe you shouldn’t have acted desperate but that wasn’t going to change anything. In fact you probably helped yourself out because it made him upset. So instead of dragging this out and trying to be nice, he cut you off. Trust us, it’s better in the end for you. Because to us it sounds like his decision his final. He’s moved on. We’re sorry. We think you need to as well. Take care.

  30. @Michaele……It’s possible. We don’t know the details of what happened and what kind of issues you’ve had over the course of your relationship. However, if he broke up with you specifically because you were nasty to him while drinking, it’s possible you could work things out if you reached out to him and apologized and showed him that you are working hard on your own issues. However, if this was the last straw for him, and he was looking for a way to break up with you anyway, then no, you won’t get him back. You know the situation better than we do. Good luck.

  31. Margaret // July 28, 2013 at 12:15 pm //

    Hi guys-I was with my boyfriend for about three months. He’s 2 yeara younger than me. Im 30. We both fell head over heels for each other. He talked about the future, we met each others family’s and friends, we were together and in contact almost every day. Then out of the blue he said he didnt want a serious relationship and said he was afraid that he would spend years with the wrong person and have it not work out. He said his career is just picking up. He said he cares for me deeply, we have amazing chemistry but he cant give me what I need right now. Totally out the of blue. (he ended a five year relatiIonship with someone else about a year ago). He talked avout how he’s never been single an doesnt even know how to date or take things slowly. That was two weeks ago-he kept reaching out. We met in person and he said the same things-cant give you what you need, dating is scary and he’s afraid. (even though he set the pace in the relationship, which he takes full responsibility for). He admits nothing was wrong and that nothin is black and white
    And that we completely click. He also
    Confirmed theres nobody else in his life an that he doesnt want a relationship from anyone right now. I said goodbye and said Id miss him, he said the same.

    Im going to move on (even though Im devastated and I miss him). I made it clear that we cant keep in touch b/c its too hard. My question is: do you think he’ll ever want to get back together? Will he look back after dating lots of people and realize that we had something really speci-which I know is tough to find.

    I appreciate your help. Im really sad but I know I have to move forward. Just wiah it was with him.

  32. Margaret // July 28, 2013 at 12:21 pm //

    Sorry-just to add. He said I know ive been so flipfloppy ober the last couple of weeks because im so confused but i care about you and your family. I just dont think its fair for me to be in a serious relationship right now because i cant make it a priority which is what you deserve and what i would wNt to do. I have to focus on my career right now”.

    Will he ever come back?

    Thanks again.

  33. @Margaret……We’re really sorry. We wish we could predict the future but we can’t. Yes, sometimes people come back. And yes, much of the time they look back and regret. That said, it takes a lot for a guy to end a serious relationship. Something must not be right for him, and it’s not just that his career is picking up. He may be someone who is never able to commit to anyone, but most likely, the timing is off, or rather, he’s not willing to get on the same page with you because something is missing for him, even though he’s not sure exactly what that is. We think you’re doing the right thing by moving on. We’re sorry once again. Truly. Good luck. And take care of yourself.

  34. Please help me! I am 24 and my bf is 27. We have been together for 5 years. We have a really comfortable and loving relationship. Of course we have our downs too but overall, i feel like we really care and love each other. But just a few days ago, out of no where, he broke up with me. He said it was because he needs space and wants to be alone to figure out his life. And that he dose not want a relationship right now. He is currently attending college and is struggling very bad. His mom is also putting a lot of pressure on him to finish school and take over their family business which he hates and does not want to. Right now, he has a cousin who traveled from out of country to stay with them for a month. He has to take care of his younger cousin and take him everywhere since his English is limited and he can’t drive. Every couple has their ups and downs but for the past months we were doing really good. However, just a few days ago, I asked him to come over and spend a few hours with me since we haven’t seen each other for a week. He said no, that he didn’t want to and that he was tired. I got a little upset and ask him if he even miss me. And I came up with the idea that maybe he didn’t miss me because he doesn’t have feelings for me. After I said that, he just agreed and said yes. And then he said, he just needs a break from this relationship. Later on, I tried to talk to him about it but it got worse and he decided to just break up instead. He said that I am wasting my time with him, he doesn’t love me, and that he can’t see me in his future. But, my question is that is he just stress and mad about everything going on in his life right now that causes him to say those things to me. He wasn’t like that at all until this month due to his school, his mom, and his cousin. I am not sure if I should wait or should I really let him go. I am confuse because it just happened out of nowhere. Please let me know what you guys think.

  35. @Lisa….We’re really sorry. But the truth is, he means what he says. To you it feels sudden, but he’s been thinking about it for a long time even if he never said anything about it. That’s how breakups work. Our advice: Let yourself grieve, but then move on. Learn from this. And apply what you learn to your next relationship. Take care.

  36. Okay well as the saying seems to go on here, please help me! I am 18, my now ex boyfriend is 27. He has not been much of the dating person. his longest relationship was when he was 24, and it lasted 4 months. he broke it off because the girl was being a real witch, but afterwards, he found out she had been married the whole time, and her husband was over in Iraq. He said he never told her he loved her, but he did go into that relationship being head over heels, and he ended up getting burned, and because of that, he says he doesn’t get feeling the same anymore. Him and I started going out, and went out for 3 months, so i was his second longest relationship. We spent pretty much every minute together that one of us wasn’t at work. He always told me how happy he was that he met me, and that i was the greatest thing to have happened to him. He took me to church with him every sunday, and i got really close with his whole family. At one point he even expressed wanting to have kids with me one day, and talked about us buying a house. Well, even though it was only three months, I did fall in love with him. But then last week, out of the complete blue, he said he wanted to take a month long break to figure out what he was feeling, because he didn’t kow if his feelings for me were just sexual or if they were genuine. Well we made it a week into the break, and last night he permanently ended it. But he expressed how much he cared about me, and didn’t want to hurt me, and that he wished it would have worked, and he wished he was Mr. Right for me, and that some day i’ll make some lucky guy very very happy. Do you think he’s lying to himself and me and does have true feelings for me? or should I try to move on?

  37. @Monique….We’re sorry but we think you should move on. He’s thought about this a lot; he just hasn’t told you everything. But we don’t think he’s coming back, at least not the way you want him. Sorry.

  38. Hey guys,

    My ex-boo and i just about broke up. We’d been dating for a year and a bit. at the start we never had issues at all until we had issues about expressing love. so every now and again i would express to him what id like him to do and he’d make a plan to c to my needs. recently i expressed an issue and he then resolved to dissolve the relationship since he feels he can never make me happy and that after a year im still complaining about issues he’s been trying to deal with for a few months and he needs to focus on his career and doesnt need the stress. at some or other point i made reference to other relationships-this hurt him a lot. Anyway, after the brk up I apologised for not letting him be and pushing him to be more like the guy id like he said he’d long forgiven me. look i love him but there were just a few things i felt needed to be tweeked. after i apologised he then said his decision stands. i then asked him if he still loves me and he said im making things hard for him and that he axli does love me he said “Kim, I love you”! we then spoke a bit more then he said he needs space. (does he really need space or was he shutting me up???) he then told me to let it go it over and theres no chance of him going back on his decision and he needs to focus on his career. i didnt handle the break up well at all and i ended and he ended up saying im making him pity me. so i then said he must take time off to think about things so that when we get bk together we’ll have a better r/shp. he spoke to a friend and he said absence makes the heart grow fonder. im at the point where im confused cz he feels inadequate/cant make me happy and hes told me numerous times to let it go but i just really love him and appreciate him more now more than ever. i know things will be so much better if we get bk together. a fresh start. it will be calmer. I cant picture myself with another guy. I want HIM. i love him!

    But keep it real, should i move on? should i have hope that hell be bk? Does he really want space or is he shutting me up?

  39. @Kim…..We’re sorry. We know this is hard for you. However, it’s too soon to tell. Understand that most relationships run their course and then they end. And once relationships get to this place you’re describing they usually fizzle. Sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes longer, sometimes people get into FWB hoping to keep the connection alive, but those usually end as well. Our suggestion: See how this goes for the next few months. If nothing changes, it might be time to move on. Good luck and take care.

  40. Lots of questions!!! Me & my bf broke up a few weeks ago. We were together for 8 yrs goin on 9. We have 2 beautiful little girls ages 3 & 1 plus I’m 5 months with a boy which is what he wanted so bad. We were very happy.He has always worked really hard to provide us with everything. In fact he spoiled us.I love him so much & I know he loves me & the girls he would do anything for us. But about 2 months ago I found out that our daughters were being molested by his brother. My daughter told me about it. The very next day I took her to her pediatrician from there her pediatrician called the police & made a report. The police had me fill out a report as well & told me they would be contacting child protective services & together they would investigate this. I told my bf about
    What our daughter said. He told me not to make a big deal or to go to the police because she was lying. I told I had already gone earlier in the day to her pediatrician & how now the police was involved & were starting an investigation. He was so angry he stormed off a few days later he called me saying that he wanted to see me & the girls. I asked if he belives it now he said no but would wait to see what the police said. Well as the days & weeks passed & the investigation continued we would argue a lot & he would try pressuring me to just stop everything he even told me if I continue we would break up & never be a family. Eventually a couple weeks ago I found out that i could put a restraining order on his brother & his mother apperantly she knew what was goin on & in fact walked in on the whole thing but did nothing except tried to hide it & even told her not to tell me or her daddy. I didn’t know I could put a restraining order against them from the moment the entire investigation started I thought we needed to have evidence but no just having an ivestigation goin on was enough. Ars I was driving to the court to get the restraining orders he called me & asked what I was doing. I told him the truth he got so angry & was cursing at me he told me ut was over because of every thing i was doing he said I told u just to drop it but you wouldn’t then he said he was gona take me to court to get custody of our girls & I would never see them again & that he would continue taking the girls to his family’s house because it wasn’t true. So he scared me obviously I felt like i had no other choice than to put a restraining order on him as well. Later that nite I had to go with the police to so they could serve them.I had to wait for the policedown tthe street for my copy. The police told me he was so angry. Well about 2 hrs later he posts pics of him kissing another girl on his Facebook. Then he blocked me. My questions are can a man really abondoned his pregnant gf of almost 9years & leave his 3 & 1 year old daughters that were molested at a time they need him the most? Is this girl some random girl? Was he cheating on me before the break up? I never suspected he was. No perfume no lipstick no smelling like sex. We had sex regulary i know he pleased in that department. I would do everything he wanted different positions wear sexy lingerie. So why would he do this?Does he still love me? Will he feel guilty for what he’s doing? Do you think he will come back?
    What’s going thru his head? Why is it so hard to believe his daughter?

  41. @Gaby……..We’re so sorry. But this may be above our pay grade. This is now a matter for professionals. We advise you to seek a counselor and/or therapist as this unfolds. (For you, you as a couple, your daughters.) But we can give you a little insight to what might be going on with him. First and foremost, he’s very confused. Is he close with his brother? It sounds like he is. And if so, he doesn’t know what to believe. Is this an older brother? If so, he may have looked up to him his whole life; it would be very hard for him to go against him. Second: He also feels horribly guilty and sad. Or rather, the thought that he let something like this go on right underneath his nose may be too much for him to bear. So instead of dealing with it head on, he’s fighting it. Because if it’s true, it means that it happened on his watch, by someone who he loves, and who loves him. Of course, it’s usually the people who are close who do this sort of thing. (Meaning, it doesn’t happen often but when it does, it’s usually someone that is close to the family.) Third: You’re an easy target. Of course he still loves you, but his confusion is misdirected as often is the case. We doubt he’s been cheating this whole time, although he’s probably known this other woman for a while as a friend, or someone he knows is into him. We hate to say this, but this is just the beginning. This is going to get worse before it gets better. So be strong. Support your daughters. They need you. And do everything you can to protect them. Not just from any sort of physical abuse, but emotional abuse. They don’t need to get caught up in the middle any more than they already are. We’re truly sorry. Take care of yourself. You can do this. We hope you’re getting some sort of support from friends and family.

  42. Margaret // August 8, 2013 at 7:18 pm //

    Hi guys. I wrote about two weeks ago and you gave a great realistic response. If you scro down a little you’ll see my previous post (in a nut shell my bf broke up with me out of the blue-nothing had happened-we’d met eaxh other families-just said he didnt want a serious relationship because he’d never been single before and was confused, busy with work, cares a lot tho blah blah blah).

    Sooooooo….i did end up hearing back from him immediately. Every few days hes written something like “how are you” “whats up”. “are we not allowed to talk anymore”? I maintained No Contact and finally said “in order for me to move on we cant keep talking”. He said “i respect that-just sucks”. A few days later he wrote “hi” etc etc. i kept ignoring until finally he said “can i see you this week-i miss you”.

    I waited awhile but was curious (loved him a lot and deep down want him to want me back and realize he made a mistake). I finally replied “i dont know what to say-why are you Telling me this?”
    He said: ” because I want to see you”
    I said: “why”?
    He said “so we can hang out and talk” do you want to come over now?”

    I waited a few hours and I said “tonight doesnt work for me-i can do tomorrow or friday. Probably not at yoir place but we can grab a drink or coffee”.
    He said: “im away on business both those days”.
    Then, I never replied. This was last night and I havent heard from him since.

    Im thinking it was just him playing with my mind-maybe even hoping for a booty call and company (even though our relationship was pretty serious and not based on sex-thought he respected me more). I guess what Im asking is for confirmation that Im right. Also-if I hear from him again and deep down Im sti hopeful he’ll beg for me back. Is it better for me to go No Contact again or will he want me more if I say “please dont contact me again-we’re not together any more”? Which method works better if there was even a slight chance of him having regrets?

    THANKS soooo much. Margaret

  43. Margaret // August 8, 2013 at 7:21 pm //

    Ps. Its been confirmed that hes not dating anyone yet and he really does have a business trip those days.

  44. I have been seeing this guy for close to 3 years. We have known each other since way when we were in elementary school but lost contact because of our parents. We met again on myspace and from then on always stayed in each other lives. We weren’t actually dating but at one point he did tell me he loved me. For a while we would do the whole one minute we’re talking the next we aren’t. When we hang out it was usually at the park or at my house. We would hold hands, cuddle, kiss and say cute stuff to each other. We fought about alot of stupid stuff and always managed to come back. It always revolved around him not spending enough time with me or not finally asking me to be his girlfriend. He would always say he was waiting for the perfect moment. Then he left for basic training. Before he left we fought about me holding hands with another guy. He told me if I was happy with him I should go for it. After a while I didn’t hear from him for a couple of months until he called an ask if he could write to me, of course I said yes. I thought we were seriously gonna try to be friends which is what I kept the tone of the letters I wrote to him. When he came back we went for a ride around town an he told me that he didn’t know why but he couldn’t help but always have feelings for me and if I would be just patient he would ask the question soon. Keep in mind the whole time in the car I didn’t say a word about still having feelings for him. Well the good times didn’t last to long and shortly after we weren’t speaking again, until finally I told him that I didn’t want to fight about us not getting to spend time with one another anymore and he said he was sorry and would really try to fix things this time. Things were going great better then before a whole lot we were seeing alot more of each other and things were starting to get more intimate. We never really had sex but were close. When it came time for him to go to his two week training in Mississippi everything before hand was good we talked about seeing each other before he left but couldn’t because of lack of time. During the first week he was there I didn’t want to text him or call him because I thought he was busy but then I got a text from him the following saturaday and everything was normal. I told him I was going to a party and that I would talk to him later and he got super mad. He told me to “not do anything stupid because if I did I would not here from him again.” my response was “Dont worry I won’t we worked to hard to try to make this relationship work and Im not gonna mess it up now.” His reply was “Ha”??? Then not the sunday after but the next sunday I find out he has been talking to another girl. When I called him out on it he said that the relationship between me and him was a friendship and that we werent really boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him I knew that but I thought we were working on it, if you didnt have anymore feelings for me why didnt you just come to me and tell me? His answer was that he just recently stop having feelings for me and that he was planning on telling me when he got home. He basically said that to him we discussed it to be ok to be able to talk to other people. This got me super mad I told him that I have made it countlessly clear that I am not ok with him talking to other girls while Im in the picture. He then apologized and said that we should start seeing other people and that maybe we could still be friends. Idk why but I just kept asking him over and over how could you do this to me why did you not just come to me and he then got mad and said he didnt have to say sorry. (He was irrarated that I was picking a fight with him while he was away at training. ) then he hung up because his supervisor yelled at him and he called back saying I hope your happy you got me yelled at and ruined the rest of my time here at training if you want to be friends then cool if not than I understand. We fought about stuff before and we always managed to come back and start over. When we were fighting about this incident it made me think back about when I confessed to him that I went out on a date with another guy. We didnt talk for months but at the end he still came back. I dont know if I should just let him go or hold on. I love him and I can not imagine my life without him. He can make me the most saddest person alive but when he makes me happy. No one smiles bigger then I do. We have so much history together. I want to know if what he is going through with her is just him wanting to experience something different or is he truly done with me. Is there a chance we’ll ever be a couple?

  45. Hi everyone-so my update:my best friend just saw him currently online on a dating website. Ouch.

    Yup. Definitely OVER. What a D Bag. He was messaging me yesterday saying how much he missed me. Wow

  46. Think there’s some good advice on here, so I figured I might as well take a chance and see if I can get some for myself.
    We were together for 5 years, hes 25 Im 28, he always spoke about marrying me and spending the rest of his life with me, saying we were meant to be, he initiated the break up and No contact, its been about 3 weeks since we last spoke, which was when he asked for 4-6 weeks no contact.
    He ended things because I pulled away from him completely, leaving him feeling unwanted and unloved. Ive got some serious commitment issues which surfaced, when I realised that “this one is for real & I want it”, and him and our relationship suffered because of it. I need the break up to happen. It was the slap in the face I needed to get my life back on track and start dealing with these issues which let me mess what I had up.
    He doesnt really know why I pushed him away the way I did, Im finally not too afraid to tell him anymore and I think he deserves to know but Im not sure if its the right thing to do now or carry on respecting his no contact?
    He thinks that I will never change and I know I have hurt him terribly.
    I want to make things right with him, I know he is a man worth keeping in my life. He hasnt deleted me or blocked me from anywhere.
    Do you guys think there is any chance of forgiveness from him, that we may be to try start something new?

  47. My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 10 month anniversary last week. However he just broke up with me. He is going through a divorce and I stepped onto the scene only a month after his separation. At the time he told me they had been separated a year. When I found out the truth I had already began to attach. Anyway, its been a roller coaster ride. He would say he wasn’t ready, and thdn come back within a day or two. However, since May it has been a struggle. We told me a month ago that he needed to give his family a chance. It came out of the blue for me. Everyone (his best friend, brother, sister, and mother ) told him he was making a mistake and deserved to be happy with me. However, before he even saw his ex, he called to tell me he knew it wouldn’t work with her. But he wanted to still see me and just take it day to day. He came back and we went on vacation. This was just 2 wks ago. He told me he wanted to be exclusive with no pressure. I wasn’t sure of what that meant since I never talked about marriage, etc… that was always him. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how much peace I brought him. He said he was stupid. Just 2 wks ago today he took a picture of us and sent it to friends and family titled “back to where I belong”. Just last weekend he kept texting md because he missed me so much. He said, “I want you to know that every morning you are the first thing I reach for if you are there or not. I find a peace I have never known when you lay your head on my shoulder, and I play with your head.” He also wanted me to promise him that I would never leave him. Then we had an argument over a misunderstanding. I made a mountain out of a moldhill. I felt a little distance from him, but went over to his house to celebrate his birthday. We got comfortable again. He laughed and cried over the gift I got him. I made a book about the 43 ways I love him (he turned 43). He said, “Babycakes, you really do love me don’t you?” At some point in the evening I had mentioned how I didn’t like that he all of a sudden takes my pics down when his kids are around. He never did that before. But he said he realized it was probably too much for them right now to see (they are 7 & 10) and I had said how disappointed I was that he was cancelling our trip for the following wknd bc his brother was coming in town and his kids were going to stay with him (I was upset bc it was going to be 5 wknds in a row of not being together… I guess I was being childish). However, he was bummed that he wasn’t going to see me for a few days and asked how I could be ok with it all. Anyway, the day after his birthday he broke up with me via text. He said that we have the most amazing time together but as much as he tries to he is just not in love with me. And when we are together he us thinking of ways to break it off. I look good on paper but his heart is not into. And I need to let him go. I’m just devastated and confused. If that’s the case, why did he tell his brother on Fathers Day that he wanted to marry me? Why did he come back for me and vacation with me and adk to be exclusive? Why did he ask me to never leave him? Does any of this make sense? Did I ruin it? Will there be a chance for us again? Or is he just trying to hurt me?

  48. Hi, guys! (great site, btw).

    I met a great man 9 months ago who is 18 years my senior. We met and fell for each other very quickly. The biggest problem from the get-go was that his job was not at all conducive to supporting a family or moving forward in our relationship. Within a couple of months, we talked about getting married and having children – but he also knew that he needed to make a career change. He told me that he’d never felt this way about someone before and that he wanted to have babies with me. But, he also told me that I shouldn’t count on him, because he wants to be an entrepreneur and that world is so risky. He told me that once he figured it out, he would come back for me. We continued to talk and see eachother, but we were in a gray area. Two weeks ago, I asked him where I stood with him and he said that he was unsure about everything. He said that he couldn’t talk about it right now since he doesn’t have a sustainable career. I asked him not to contact me until he was sure, because I was. I regret that it ended with an argument.

    I think he’s the greatest and am not sure if I should contact him or just let him go.

  49. Hi guys, I could really do with some advice! I was with my boyfriend for just over a year and it was very serious, we even had plans for marriage. We broke up, the main reason for the break up was because of his mother who was very intrusive in our relationship. After we broke up he rang and text a few times and dropped things off at my house that he claimed were mine but were not mine at all, we stopped all communication after that and after a year I text him. He text back and we began talking again, we sorted our issues and we even began talking of getting back together. At this point he rang me many times a day and he would text me first all the time. I wouldn’t contact him first but he always rang and text and we met up a few times. He drunk texts and calls every night he drinks also then suddenly he stopped calling or texting (this occured over a year long period) so I waited a day and sent him a quick text but got no reply. Two weeks went by and nothing from him then he drunk text and I replied the next day but have got no reply and this was two weeks ago. I still love him so what should I do?

  50. I am a 27 yr old married women who lived in spain from the u.s for 5 years. I have moved back to the states as I will be going back to college. My husband is still in spain and will be moving once he gets a job here, its been 5 months and I have not seen him. I met a guy through a class field trip to the gallery and he gave me his number. I thought it would be nice to have a friend as i just moved back to the states. I had no idea i would start developing strong feelings for him. he use to text me all day everyday, ring me, tell me to come down (btw he is 6 years younger than me) we spent alot of time together. he told me he liked me many times but it was hard to believe plus i was scared as i was in a relationship. he asked me to be his gf but i couldnt say yes as i am in a relationship which im trying to figure out i want. we known each other for 3-4 months now, but he has decided that he is not interested anymore and when i asked why he said because he is tired of chasing me and telling me he likes me and wants to be his gf and the fact that i wont give him an answer. ( i know its selfish for him to want an asnwer now even after explaining to him i cant be his gf yet as i gotta sort out my relationship. i am so devastated bc i told him i really like him and wanna be with him but he said its too late and that he only sees me as a friend now. i feel so so so hurt as i was gonna take a huge step in my life to be with him. i spent alot of time with his family who thinks he is making a mistake giving up on me. they said he never had a real gf only airheads and knuckleheads and so he may be scared to be with someone that too who has a goal in life. i got engaged at 20 it was sort of arranged, i didnt want to get married straight after college but my parents said i had to. i always put myself second in life and followed my parents footsteps and i shared alot with this guy as i had a lot on my plate. i havent text him for 2 days and i am hoping he realises what he has lost. i feel its gonna be hard to be friends with him as thats what he still wants and his family said dont let this situation stop me from coming to see them. what should i do?

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