Relationship and Dating Advice: Getting Played- Listen to your friends

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Read the Script:

Your boyfriend is a player. And your friends know this, but they’re afraid to tell you, because they aren’t sure how you’ll react. And they don’t think you’ll believe them anyway. So what do you do? You ignore your gut and ignore your friends—because in some ways you don’t really want to know the truth—and then you write to us, complete strangers, asking us to tell you what your friends already know. Your guy is a player.

So why don’t you trust your friends? I mean they are your friends for good reason, right. You must respect their opinion on some level….or maybe not.

What’s the problem? Why don’t you trust them?

Maybe you don’t like their fashion sense. Somehow their clothes are always a bit too big, or even worse, too small, especially that bikini that only covers a few freckles and a random mole.

And their taste in food is even worse than their taste in clothes. They still think the local chinese food is authentic, even though it’s cooked by college co-eds on summer break.

Maybe they like sappy date movies that you can’t stand, or their into faux accessories, since they can’t afford the real Vera Bradley brand…., or maybe they need a GPS to find their way home from work…Fine..but everyday?

Or maybe, just maybe, they’re hotter than you? And you don’t trust them because what the hell do they know since life’s been catered to them since they first batted their eyes in the delivery room.

And even worse they have bad taste in men themselves. They have no clue that their boyfriend is cheating on them, or that he’s hit on you once..or maybe twice. You try to tell them but they don’t listen. Why would they? They’re hotter than you, remember.

But guess what. They don’t trust you either for all the same reasons.

Doesn’t this seem a bit odd to you? You tell your friends everything—every little bit of minutia that comes up during the day. Every opinion you have. Every joke. Your friends know you, often better than you know yourself. But when the topic of your man comes up, you change the subject faster than a high school boy having sex.

So believe us when we say:  Trust your friends, because your friends will tell you the truth, if you just ask them.



11 Comments on Relationship and Dating Advice: Getting Played- Listen to your friends

  1. What a great video and sage advice. Too often women have blinders on and think with their hearts and not their minds. Sometimes we don’t listen to our friends for all the reasons you mentioned, but also because women think they can change a man, or that this time it’s different. Usually, NOT! So women learn from broken hearts and then go back to those same friends for comfort. Perhaps it is good to learn that we cannot change anyone, not matter how much we care for them.

  2. This video came at the perfect time! I’ve been needing to hear this. I mean, I *do* listen to my friends. But sometimes… You know…? I just don’t follow them. Hehe. 🙂

  3. @Gnetch….glad it helped. Maybe while you’re talking with your friends, you can mention our site and videos to them too. Thanks! 🙂

  4. Hi guys

    Well this is a long story and I don’t know where to begin..

    The first year of uni I met this amazing guy who I fell in love with at first sight… I never expected anything to happen.. but he asked me out of the blue. so we started going out , and I could not work this guy out.. then i heard some friends telling me his using me for sex.. which was a possibility because he always was busy during the day… and didn’t make an effort to spend time. Anyway he didn’t like all the drama of me talking about the relationship with my girl mates, so we drifted apart and didn’t talk about how things ended …
    and now? all I can think about is him .. I keep regretting that I never told him how I feel I wanted to but all my friends advised me not to. Now all I wish for is that I did … should I tell him now after a year? or is it too late? … I feel like I’ve got nothing left to lose since I have already lost the will to live…
    P.S he said to one of my friends recently that he should have married me… and my friend told him that he does not deserve me so he went bright red and left the room for a smoke … I can never work this guy out.

    Desperate sole 🙁

  5. @TT….We’re sorry you’re feeling so down. But one of the reasons you’re feeling down is that you have regret over not telling this guy how you feel. And regret eats away at you. Typically we say “Listen to your Friends”—we even made a video on the topic–because they often can see something you can’t, or aren’t able to. We don’t know this guy and whether or not he’s worthy of you. But we can say that if you really wish you had told him how you feel, then it’s not too late to do so. It’s never too late to tell someone how you feel about them. And while we can’t guarantee that you’ll get the response from him that you desire we can tell you that you’ll feel a whole lot less regret. And if it works out great. If it doesn’t, we think you’ll be better able to move on knowing you did everything in your power to make it work. Hope this helps. Good luck. We’re pulling for you!

  6. Thanks for the reply advise guys, guess ill feel better after telling him, no matter what his reaction .. 🙂

  7. Hey me and my ex were going out for about six months. Everything seemed so good. he loved me and i loved him. He always told me how much he missed me and how he could never let me go. He always called me his girl and his everything. We hung out like every weekend and we texted like every second of every day! I was so happy i felt like someone actually cared. Then i noticed that we were fighting like every day but it was about little stupid things. We got over them though. Soon we started breaking up but getting back together like three days later.we did this over and over again everyone told me to forget about him but i just couldnt i loved him so much. Every day i would cry but i didnt care because i would go through the pain for him. Then he dodnt really talk to me as much as he use to. but we were still dating. i felt like he didnt care about me anymore and he didnt love me. I just wasnt happy with our relationship anymore. So i broke up with him and i wasnt happy about it. When he responded he didnt want me to go he still wanted me to be his GF. So i stayed. A couple days later he broke up with me. I was so hurt i just wanted to kill myself. i couldnt eat or sleep and i wasnt myself! i still wanted to be his friend but he just wouldnt text me. I started getting over him and i began dating this other guy but idk why because i didnt even like him so i broke up with him for my ex. I sent my ex a long text about how i wanted him back and he said idk because idk if i could trust you. and I told him i changed and he said its still a no. i cried myself to sleep that night. but i didnt give up hope. i thought he just needed his space Since then he hasnt texted or called me. not once. Its been like three months since then. it has been sooo hard trying to get over him. I cant think about anything but him. I just saw him a couple of weeks ago at my neighbors house. He seemed kindof happy to see me and he kept staring at me. He said his phone is dead and he cant find the charger. thats why he wont text me. but he never texts anyone anyways. do you think thats a lie? do you think he misses me and is thinking about me like i think about him and
    most of all do you think he will ever come back to me? I recently wrote a 3 page letter about my feelings for him. i told him that i still think about the memmories we had and the times we spent together. im trying to get him to realize what we lost. i thought it has been enough time for him to have a break because its been like 3 months. my friends is going to give it to him for me because she goes to my school. do you think it will make him realize that he still loves me? i also heard that he recently told his cousin that he thinks im cute. do you think thats a start? sorry for all the questions but i really need answers! thanks so much.

  8. Allison // June 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm //

    I have been seeing a guy for 6 months, he’s 44 and I’m 34. We are both divorced. Me for 2 and a half years, him 1 year. He has lots of stuff going on in court with $ issues for kids and spousal support. His dad died in October and he still struggles a little with that too. For the 1 Hal of the relationship he was on a dating site because he wanted to finish out the 6 mo membership. We dated exclusively or a couple months and last month he sai he wanted to see other people. He doesn’t want to marry the first girl after his divorce. I agreed with that even though its hard. I’m dating others too. Recently the calls have been coming in less and I don’t see him really often, once a week. He calls most days but we don’t talk for long. He says thy he is scared that everything was good and that we get along better than most married people. I am sleeping with him which is definitely my problem. This past week he found out that his ex hired an attorney and is making his life hell and hat is when the calling started to get less. He doesn’t answer my calls and takes hours to return them. My question is, should I just back off and give him time or should I just get out. People tell me to leave his ass, but he an I really enjoy each other when we are together. I’m basically just wondering if this is how men act when they have lots of stress. Thanks for taking he time to read.

  9. @Allison…..This is how men act when they have just gotten out of a divorce—one year isn’t that long–AND are stressed. He’s far from ready right now, and in fact, he may never be ready to settle down again. We don’t know him personally, but a lot of people choose not to get married after a divorce. (Or get involved in a serious relationship for a long time.) And honestly, when men become single again after being married, they pretty much want to bed as many women as they can to make up for “lost time.” You might want to give him some space, but that’s up to you. If you can handle his inconsistencies and still enjoy his company then keep it going as it’s going. But we think you’re going to get more and more frustrated and become resentful pretty soon. Feel free to ask us a follow up question. And keep us posted. Check out our “Relationship Memoirs” page. Lots of good female writers on there.

  10. Hi guys,
    I’m 24 years and 4 yrs ago i met a guy who’s a family friend. We sort of became on and off friends – we hanged out, i shared my problems with him, he was caring towards me, i liked him but i was blowing hot and cold then so we drifted apart. 2yrs ago i slept with a guy who’s a mutual friend (one of his friends younger brother), then i crushed on his elder brother (but I’m long over this part).

    Then we had a fateful encounter, he told me he had feelings for me (to be honest i really didn’t know cuz he wasn’t really clear with his signals in the beginning so i tot he was joking around). We’ve been talking on phone, chatting and doing quick visits.

    He’s way older (32), here’s the thing guys my friend says it’s clear he likes me, i do like him but I’m scared cuz 1. The guy i slept with was a first for me and nothing is hidden under the sun so i don’t know what his reaction would be if he found out. 2. I want a Christian relationship (no sex) but it feels like I’m deliberately pushing him away. 3. I’m scared cuz he might just be interested in me sexually only. What do you think guys, I’m i over thinking it or should i be cautious.

  11. @Rose…..What do you know about the guy? Is he a player? What relationships has he had before you? What does he do for work? Is he close with his family? What does your gut tell you about him and who he is as a person? We’d start there.

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